At A Loss

I got a call last night. It was from Patrick, my ex. I haven't heard from him in months. Not since I last went down to Ft Lauderdale right before Valentine's Day. His father's been ill with cancer. I've always liked his dad immensely. There was something about the way he accepted me without reservation, the way he just seemed to like me. He had a unique genuineness and warmth about him.

Patrick called to let me know his father passed away the day before yesterday. From across the miles I could feel his loss. And though I didn't know his dad that well...it mattered so much to me. Little things kept rushing back to me. The time he was talking about moving to Georgia and asked Patrick if I'd be moving with them. Or the time they were looking at the Carolinas. For someone as gunshy about committment as me...those kind of comments had my palms sweating. But I couldn't help but feel the warmth of acceptance and approval from him. I realized a little later that it was his way of letting Patrick know that if he wanted a life with me, he wholehartedly approved and we had his support.

Me being who I am...with my life...I knew I wasn't ready for that kind of committment. Neither was he. But it was great to be so appreciated. And he always liked me.

I'm so glad now that I took the time to call him when he was ill...just to let him know I cared and that I was thinking about him. And that I'd sent a card for him with Patrick the last time I saw him.

But I never expected to be so sad over someone who I hardly knew, who I'd only met once...but who obviously wound up touching my life so strongly. What a great example he left behind for his son. His loss will be felt by everyone he's ever touched.

This Season's Version Of Respect

What happened to respect? Could it be possible that some time when I wasn't looking, it was thrown out the window along with tact and class? I am honestly beginning to wonder.

I'm normally a pretty easy going person. Honest, I am. So when I was talking to this person from myspace this week on yahoo I was pretty irritated by how the conversation dipped...not that I'm surprised...it seems it happens a lot on any instant messanger service...but it went something like this.

Him: How many people have you had sex with?
Me: A gentleman never asks, a lady never tells.
Him: C'mon...don't you like sex?
Me: What has one got to do with the other?
Him: So you're not open minded?
Me: I just don't discuss my sex life with random strangers. I don't know you well enough.
Him: Okay. I'm sorry.
Me: Thank you for respecting that.
Him: So do you like to give blow jobs?

He just didn't seem to get it! So I left. And I went back to check my myspace...saw a message from someone I didn't know. I check the message and it said: "You need to get f---ed by black cock." I assume he was applying for the job. I hit the delete button.

And that morning as I head out to work I finally get around to listening to my messages...ON MY BUSINESS LINE. There was a message there from one of my customer's husbands. He introduced himself. He said I'd helped his wife and one of her friends with the camera feature on her phone...I might remember them...the friend was Canadian. And then he asks me if I'd be interested in a 3way. I only wish I were kidding. I've never even seen this guy.

What makes people think they have the right to be disrespectful? I have no idea. I'm not sure what even made them think these comments would be appreciated. I did get the distinct feeling I was supposed to be honored and flattered by their rude little comments, though. It's baffling at what passes for flirtation these days. The worst part is that I could go on and on. This stuff happens to me on a fairly regular basis.

One customer actually asked one of my employees once how much I'd charge him to smack him around a little bit. Yes...He wanted to pay me to hit him. Literally. Shoot, I should start a business...I'd be very wealthy in a job that requires me to order men around, treat them like crap and sometimes hit them. Hmmm. I may have to consider it. Kidding. Kinda. LOL!