I think every mother/daughter relationship is probably complicated. Even if you're close, with love comes those conflicting emotions of wanting to hang on yet needing to let go. I don't think it probably gets easier with age, either. It's tough for mother's to face that you're all grown up...because the instinct is to look out for you...to protect you.
Now, I'm not a mom, so I won't pretend to know... I just know how my mother and I are. Our relationship is tempestuous at best. That doesn't mean we don't love and respect each other. As the matter of fact, you won't find a daughter more proud or respectful of her mother than me. I know all the obstacles she's overcome...and how much the odds were against her when it came to survival, much less parenting...but she made it happen. She made it work because in her eyes, there were no other options. Her love for us overrode all the statistics. With zero college education and not much more than faith...she took care of us. She was an amazing example. And after we lost my youngest brother, she was still there...pushing forward, harnessing her heartbreak and pain into more faith and a steadfastness that never failed us.
She was a single mom, but she made sure we always had everything we needed...especially emotionally. She supported us in our endeavors. She never laughed at our dreams or told us we weren't good enough. She was simply there. She never missed one of our school performances even though she was working fulltime and picking up whatever overtime she could. She made every single one of our parent/teacher conferences. She made sure we did our homework and that we knew that she expected nothing less than our absolute best at all times. And we gave it to her. The last person we ever wanted to let down was her. Even with all that freedom because of the hours she worked...we didn't abuse it. We didn't stay out all night. We didn't do drugs. We didn't throw wild parties. We rarely attended them. We never got drunk. We were good kids with good grades...and we worked as soon as we were old enough.
She's the strongest woman I know. When I was ten she dealt with the loss of my brother, my dad cheating on her-again, moving from the Philippines to the states, divorcing my dad, then my sexual abuse...and not once did she falter. She was unflappable in the midst of all that chaos...the strength that her other 3 children needed. And when she lost my other brother when I was 14, she still maintained her faith and steadfastness. She's been my rock most of my life....and my example.
The funny thing is, we fight like cats and dogs when we're around each other for too long. I live thousands of miles away from her and it works. We're closer when we're further apart. Why? Because although she taught me to be strong and independent, she always kinda figured it was independent of everyone but her. I've got a mind of my own...and I've had a great example of what tough should look like... I share many of her strengths... How could I not? She's an amazing woman. The problem is, I share some of her biggest flaws, too. Her stubbornness. Her singlemindedness...all those traits that can be both good and bad.
And then there's the generational thing. She's very old school Asian. I'm an All-American tomboy. I frustrate the hell out of her. I'm not quite ladylike enough. I'm too outspoken. I'm too brash, too cocky. And yet she's so proud of me and my accomplishments. I've never doubted that or her love for me...even at our most difficult times in our relationship.
As complicated as our relationship can sometimes be...I love her. She's my hero!
Now, I'm not a mom, so I won't pretend to know... I just know how my mother and I are. Our relationship is tempestuous at best. That doesn't mean we don't love and respect each other. As the matter of fact, you won't find a daughter more proud or respectful of her mother than me. I know all the obstacles she's overcome...and how much the odds were against her when it came to survival, much less parenting...but she made it happen. She made it work because in her eyes, there were no other options. Her love for us overrode all the statistics. With zero college education and not much more than faith...she took care of us. She was an amazing example. And after we lost my youngest brother, she was still there...pushing forward, harnessing her heartbreak and pain into more faith and a steadfastness that never failed us.
She was a single mom, but she made sure we always had everything we needed...especially emotionally. She supported us in our endeavors. She never laughed at our dreams or told us we weren't good enough. She was simply there. She never missed one of our school performances even though she was working fulltime and picking up whatever overtime she could. She made every single one of our parent/teacher conferences. She made sure we did our homework and that we knew that she expected nothing less than our absolute best at all times. And we gave it to her. The last person we ever wanted to let down was her. Even with all that freedom because of the hours she worked...we didn't abuse it. We didn't stay out all night. We didn't do drugs. We didn't throw wild parties. We rarely attended them. We never got drunk. We were good kids with good grades...and we worked as soon as we were old enough.
She's the strongest woman I know. When I was ten she dealt with the loss of my brother, my dad cheating on her-again, moving from the Philippines to the states, divorcing my dad, then my sexual abuse...and not once did she falter. She was unflappable in the midst of all that chaos...the strength that her other 3 children needed. And when she lost my other brother when I was 14, she still maintained her faith and steadfastness. She's been my rock most of my life....and my example.
The funny thing is, we fight like cats and dogs when we're around each other for too long. I live thousands of miles away from her and it works. We're closer when we're further apart. Why? Because although she taught me to be strong and independent, she always kinda figured it was independent of everyone but her. I've got a mind of my own...and I've had a great example of what tough should look like... I share many of her strengths... How could I not? She's an amazing woman. The problem is, I share some of her biggest flaws, too. Her stubbornness. Her singlemindedness...all those traits that can be both good and bad.
And then there's the generational thing. She's very old school Asian. I'm an All-American tomboy. I frustrate the hell out of her. I'm not quite ladylike enough. I'm too outspoken. I'm too brash, too cocky. And yet she's so proud of me and my accomplishments. I've never doubted that or her love for me...even at our most difficult times in our relationship.
As complicated as our relationship can sometimes be...I love her. She's my hero!
Posts
