Christmas Eve Souvenirs

Ah, the beauty of speculation is that you get to hear some pretty outlandish and farfetched things. So Christmas day, a couple of friends came to my front door and saw a bandaid on my forehead. They asked if I was okay...I made them promise not to laugh and exposed...this!!!

After a couple of giggles, there were the questions...

"What happened?"

"What did you do?"

And while I debated whether or not to tell them...they started to guess. Here's the speculation I heard:

"Curling Iron Burn?"

"Rug burn?"

"Kinky sex?"

Yeah, you guessed it, I've got some filthy minded friends.

The truth about the injury? I did something stupid. I was hanging out in my pool Christmas eve night. It was 60 degrees out, but it was almost 90 degrees in the pool. We turned on the pool light...made it green to be festive for the holiday. I was messing around doing laps and stuff. I decided it might be a fun idea to try to move my body like a fish under water and see how far across the pool I could get before I needed oxygen. So I closed my eyes (I'd left my contacts in) and piked down....and....SMACK!!!! Right on the bottom of the pool. Apparently I'd misjudged the depth and went about 4' down into a 3 1/2 foot area. Man, did that sting. Yes, yes, I gave myself a concussion for Christmas eve. No doctors visit required, thankfully.

No, I had not been drinking any alcohol, more's the pity.

And yes, I'm the same girl who can manage to trip over bottled water.

I can't help but laugh...and fortunately for me, everyone around me is also amused.

Strong Shoulders

I got a call a little while ago. Patrick told me that he had some news. His father hasn't been feeling very well since after the last hurricane. Apparently his dad went in to the doctor for some x-rays and they finally got the results. His dad has pleural mesothelioma.

Patrick is someone who's close to me. He's the one guy who always seems to know what I'm not saying. The guy who's a great friend...and more. He's one of those rare guys...one that watches, observes, understands what isn't said as well as what is. He's not afraid to call me on my stuff, and he loves that I'm a strong individual...it's part of my appeal to him.

So when I got this sense a couple nights ago that I should call him, I followed my instincts. He said everything was okay, but that feeling stayed with me. I told him that if he needed or wanted me to call.

So he did. Today. Because they finally have something difinitive about his dad. His dad's condition went undiagnosed for months by a nurse practitioner. He had a negligent family doctor who was never in office and never saw him. When he was finally diagnosed it was because he went to the hospital again and a surgeon was called in on the consult. And when he went to schedule an appointment with the doctor to get the referrals he needed to see the specialist, they put him off, the doctor never called back, and finally said that he could be scheduled almost a month out....mind you this was for a tentative diagnosis of cancer.

They wound up having to call the surgeon again. He lit a fire under the GP who then finally returned the call and got him in for an emergency visit that same day. After his dad's lung biopsy, Patrick told me that the surgeon saw some signs of advanced stages of the disease, so they're gonna work hard and fast to get them an idea of what kind of treatment plan he'll need to undergo...or if he's in end stage.

Patrick's trying to be strong for his family right now. He's laughing, or he'd probably wind up breaking down and crying. So I reminded him again...I'm here. Always. For him. When he can't be strong anymore, he's got me to lean on... It's strange how even miles away...I knew he needed me.

Thrilling

I'm so excited for one of my oldest and closest friends! Recently she called me up to tell me some stellar news.

She's having a baby!

Now I know some would say that this is a normal everyday occurrence in life. And you'd be right. But for her, this has been a challenge.

She was diagnosed with endometriosis at a very young age. She was put on birth control before she was even all that interested in sex. She's had two surgeries. She'd also seen a fertility specialist. There had been a few false alarms and scares, but it was starting to look like having a baby just wasn't in the cards for her.

She'd all but reconciled herself to being the best auntie ever to her niece and nephew.

So imagine my shock a week or so ago when she called me at 8am to tell me the good news! In a time when miracles are so scarce, she was blessed with one!

I'm so excited for her! She's gonna make an amazing mother. It's enough to make me consider setting my biological clock...almost. Nah! I think I'll just hold out for a puppy for now. Love kids as I do, I just wouldn't have the time that should be dedicated for a child. I can be a proud Auntie, though!

The Hag

Work has been crazy and stressful lately. Added to the insanity that is retail during holiday season is the new promotion...I'm grateful, don't misunderstand. But I'm also responsible for 4 locations. That's a lot of people.

So last Friday I was taking one of my assistant managers around my new location group (not thrilled with the name, btw...D.A.D. Manager is my new title). Along with the holiday comes much micro-managing from the higher ups. There's all the panic and chaos associated with corporate visits, etc. So I'd gotten a visit, a call, and an email about one of my locations all in one day. And it wasn't very fun. By the end of the day my assistant and I decided we needed to relax somewhere friendly that served liquid libations.

Mike met us at Chili's...afterall, it's happy hour...all the time! The three of us planned on having a drink or two. My assistant was gonna have a couple beers then head home. I started with Long Islands... Mike followed my lead. Jared headed out after he finished brown nosing to the mucky mucks who were having drinks at Ruby Tuesdays...(I was invited, figured it would be career suicide as I'm honest sober; drunk- I'm painfully so...and I was feeling the urge to tear their throats out and step on them at the time).

The one or two drinks somehow multiplied into 5 or 6. It had been a while since I'd had the time to simply cut loose and have fun and not worry about work. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, so the booze went straight to my head. I was feeling good.

We all got a bit silly. I unzipped Jared's pants...he called me a chicken for not doing more (gay men are such teases). He gave me a lap dance. Mike and J had a contest as to who nibbles on a neck better...and mine got to be the lucky neck. Some woman offered to buy me a shot called the "bend me over and lick my ass"...told me it tastes like Cherries...and I had a giggle at the innuendo of it all while Mike whispered to me to take her up on the offer. One of the waitresses tried to get Jared's phone number only to be turned down and told she wasn't his type. Guess she missed Mike and Jared kissing when Jared walked through the door. Or she missed Jared and me kissing, or maybe it was Mike and me kissing that confused her...LOL! Hmmm...come to think of it, maybe I should have been offended that she tried to get his number after she'd seen his lips planted on mine....curious.

I ran into some people I knew inside... Feeling pretty uninhibited, I answered the girl's question about a side bet she and her boyfriend had as to whether or not Jared and Mike were gay...I answered in the affirmative. She asked me to tell them that they were "Hot!" and then told her boyfriend that she was right and all the best looking men were gay (Wonder how that made the boyfriend feel?). Her boyfriend had assumed the boys were straight because they're both very "butch". Somehow this turned into a convo about how I could have a 3 way with the two boys if I wanted...to which one of the guys said...it'd be hot if it were 2 girls instead of two guys...and my drunken diarrhea of the mouth had me replying that I could do that, too...

And the topper for the evening? Standing outside while everyone smoked cigarettes and announcing to my friends...and some random strangers on a bench...that I am the Fag Hag for Charlotte County. To which the stranger on the bench replied..."I LOVE you! You're awesome." Big surprise, he was gay, too. Oh, and his female friend sitting there...yeah, you guessed it...she hit on me.

The worst of it is, I wish I could say that alcohol were the primary contributor, but I can't. Nothing I did that night is anything I wouldn't do sober.

Crazy Is As Crazy Does

Spent most of yesterday in a line. At least that's how it felt.
New game system release day. And Woohoo! My persistance paid off; I was eighth in line and they had 26 of the "Gold" ones. I got the X-Box 360. All is good. I was a hero.

Spent a lot of time in line problem solving and trouble shooting. Apologized to fellow line people in advance for calls I knew I'd receive from work. They were all cool though. The guy behind me was a customer.

*****

While in line I got a crisis call from one of my young employees letting me know he was headed to the emergency room. Poor kid. 20 years old. He was bleeding urine. OUCH!
Apparently his brother had kicked him where he shouldn't and hurt one of his "boys". Man, I'm a girl and I only fight that dirty with lots of warning and after some seriously unforgiveable stuff.

I told him to call me when he got to the ER and let me know what was going on. The doctor told him that usually, in situations like this after leaving "the boys" untreated for more than a couple of hours, there isn't much that can be done. Often, the only option is to remove the damaged "boy". He was terrified that he was gonna lose his testicle, especially since they believed it to be fractured.

It wasn't till AFTER his final test, an ultrasound, that they found it was salvageable, just swollen. He got lucky.

Little Moments

I talked to Patrick today. He's THAT guy for me. The one guy I can sit in silence with and still feel at peace. The one who reads my thoughts before I even think to give voice to them. That one who really appreciates me for me...quirks and all. And the quirks somehow make me more appealing to him. He sees the secret me that I work so hard to hide. He also lives 3 hours away.

'Little Moments' by Brad Paisley makes him think of me. We laughingly say it was written for me....especially the part that says..."It's the little imperfections, it's the sudden change in plans when she misreads the directions and we're lost, but holding hands. Yeah, I live for little moments like that."

Our first date...I got lost. Our second date...I got lost. It's become a running joke.

So today I visited one of my locations...and on my way home I accidentally exited to the interstate heading south instead of north. And I knew where I was supposed to go. Normally, the perfectionist in me would kick in and get worked up. Not today.

Today I called Patrick. I didn't realize how much I've missed his voice, his laugh.

Just that laughter at telling him what I did....It was like getting a hug from a long distance friend.

Latino Heat

It may not mean much to many people, but it meant a lot to me.

I used to watch him in my living room. At first he annoyed and irritated me. I couldn't wait till he went. Then, like most things that hang around, I got used to him. Pretty soon I found myself amused by him, drawn into his innate sense for what entertained. He sure knew how to make me laugh.

I was there during his ups and downs. Cheering him on when things got rocky, sure he'd see things through to the other side. I admired his dedication to his work and his family.

Most of all, I admired his dedication to me....His fan...one of many.

Eddie Guerrero, you will be missed.

God Bless, Godspeed, and my prayers go out to your family.

I'll miss you Mondays and Thursdays the most. The wrestling world won't be the same without you.

Teen Marriages

I just got a text from my 18 yr old former employee. His 16 year old girlfriend just proposed to him. She had a ring and everything. For him. Of course he proposed to her months ago.

Two things about all this strike me as odd. 1.) Since when do both parties propose? Usually one proposal is enough. The other party accepts. End of story. But no, not with these two. 2.) Why does it seem like EVERY kid in FL is in a hurry to either get married or have babies or both?

I guess there's a 3rd....Why are neither of these kids' parents tweaking out? They're still so young! But apparently, as long as they wait 2 years...which gives her time to graduate high school and him time to get some college under his belt...they're thrilled. The girls' parents have already welcomed him into the family...and vice versa (and it's not even reverse psychology as they appear to think this is normal behavior). Their pastor seemed to be the only one who had the slightest problem with all of this.

Part of me is all...how sweet....young love...still innocent, like that song by the Judds. The other part wants to knock their heads together and scream....do they have any idea what a tough road they're edging toward? Are they CRAZY? But I've been good. I've held my own council. It's not my business, and they're good kids. I just can't imagine actually WANTING to get married right after high school.

Am I wrong, thinking like this? Does this mean I'm jaded? Does anyone else get why you'd want to get married so young?

I suddenly feel ANCIENT!

The finished product

It's finally done! Got to have my first swim yesterday. ::sigh:: I love my new pool. And just in time for Christmas. Thank goodness it's heated! :-) Of course in Florida I'll only have to turn the heat on for a couple of months.

But it's nice to know I can.

Impromptu Party

This isn't the best pic in the world...it's from my Camera phone, but these are the boys...LOL! It's been a while since I've had time to blow off steam, so doing so Friday night was great. Chris (boy in blue) and Jared (white tee) came over to watch a work video I had to monitor with me. They're good friends like that. One thing led to another...Grey Goose bottles were opened...Ice and OJ were mixed in...

Chris and I are both managers...and apparently we both needed to blow off steam. I was showing off my new pool. Then I mentioned the punching bag I had in my garage. Chris wanted to see....and put in a few hits. So he punched...I held the bag...and Jared got nervous that Chris was going to get carried away and accidentally punch me. He had A LOT of aggression to work off. He was yelling at his employees with every punch. Better the bag than them.

Then back into the living room.

I have a karaoke machine. It's one of my not-so-guilty pleasures. It's great for parties...especially impromptu ones. And there's nothing funnier than watching a white boy try to sing a Nelly song. Mike, Jared's beau (the guy in the red shirt) came over...and the merriment continued...and alcohol flowed. We danced around my living room. We sang at the top of our lungs...songs like "You Gotta Fight For Your Right To Party" and "I Love Rock And Roll". I can sing...grew up doing it. So did Mike and Jared. Chris? Eh, not so much...but sometimes that brutally off key sound can make things that much more fun. So I played Sandy to Jared and Mike's Danny in "Summer Nights". The pic is actually the three boys getting all revved up singing Backstreet Boys...LOL! They're so predictable...that and Y.M.C.A. and they were going nuts. Steriotypical gay guys...LOL! I love them for that! Nothing like spending a Friday night singing at the top of your lungs, dancing around the living room...with guys who aren't afraid to sing with you...and are closet boy band fans...throw in a little alcohol and talk of Brad Pitt and James VanDerBeek and a few kisses... It was a blast! I needed it, too. It was so relaxing to put my hair down, take my bra off, and just chill.

Plus, they said I've got great tits.... God love 'em!

Freaks and Geeks

I'm in love....

I'm in love with technology....electronics....and now...Oakley just made my nipples hard. They came out with this AMAZING new pair of shades... And they're Bluetooth enabled, too. They were smart about it...partnered up with Motorola. Now I'm thinking I may have to shell out a few hundred bucks for a new pair of shades. I NEVER spend that much on that stuff, but I can justify it if there's built in technology.

Yes, yes....I'm one of those geeks. I got a microwave with a fancy touchscreen panel that could sing to you and give you recipes. I've been dying to get this smoothtop range that has a built in convection oven...AND...a built in refrigerator. I know. I know. Insane, right? But say...I want fresh cinnamon rolls in the morning for breakfast (I love to bake to relax)...I can chill them in the oven, then set the oven to turn on at a certain time...and to shut off, too...so that the smell of cinnamon buns can be the first thing I smell. How cool is that?

Then there are the PDA's....and the Cell phones....

Don't even get me started on the cell phones. :-)

************

And now the pool is almost done! They laid the quartz, they smoothed it out. They filled the pool with water. Tomorrow they turn on the pumps and start the treating process. I'll be able to swim in it by next week! Notice the pool bench? I'm thinking it looks like the perfect spot for a bootie call! :-x

Hey, I figure work hard, play harder! And I've been busting my bootie, so I'm taking my playtime seriously.

************

You know what else amused me?

The Carolina Panthers cheerleaders' story. They come down to Trampa and get in a drunken barroom catfight in the ladies loo.... Well, two of them did. And wound up getting arrested. What's this world coming to?

Apparently they were performing most every straight man's fantasy together...alone...in one of the stalls. The other patrons didn't appreciate it because they had to wait in line to use the lavatory...and I'm also guessing they could hear the noises and one or two uptight types got their knickers in a twist.

Go figure!

Guess they should've used the mens room! :-D

Battle Of The Sexes

Was watching the Simpsons. Funniest little scene between Bart and Robot...

Robot: "It's not uncommon for robots to be abandoned?"

Bart: "I'm a human not a robot."

Robot: "What is it like to have feelings?"

Bart: "I'm a human, not a GIRL!"

Yesterday's Trash

There's a young lady I know. We met at work. We used to be close. Once upon a time. I stood up in her wedding. I threw her bachelorette party. Now....I hardly talk to her. And when I do, I walk away feeling irritated. Everything she says or does feels manipulative. I know she's trying to use me.

She and I used to laugh, a lot. I was a combination big sister, friend, sex therapist...and a bit of innocent flirtation thrown in just for fun. I still remember the first time she asked to join me on lunch. She wanted my advice. Apparently I exude sexual awareness. Because she had some questions to ask me with reference to oral sex and her boyfriend. Made me feel like Dr. Ruth...but I guess the advice worked...LOL! Yeah, I have to laugh about things because otherwise I'll just be sad and disappointed.

She seemed like such a sweet girl. She was a temp with our company for the holidays...working on trying to get her foot in the door. And I went to bat for her to help get her in. And now, 2 years later, I'm removing the dagger from my back and seeing her for who she really is.

As I got closer to Jared, our friendship began to sour. She was jealous. Somehow, she couldn't get it through her head that I was capable of having room in my heart for more than one friend. Initially she was friendly to Jared. He thought she was nice. Till she showed her true colors... Initially I took it for Newlywed Mania. She suddenly didn't do anything but spend time with her hubby and her family. I made allowances. I wasn't upset.

But then I got promoted. And suddenly, now that I wasn't at that location anymore...she became very unkind to Jared. And still she didn't have much time. And I still made allowances. Until I started hearing that she was throwing me under the bus to her current management staff. Always, of course, behind my back. And the only time I heard from her was when she had an interview she wanted help prepping for or when she wanted me to check out a resume or an email she was sending out to her boss or co-workers.

So I hadn't heard from her for months really...

And then I got the news. With my most recent promotion and the management restructuring, I, once again, am in charge of that location...their supervisor will be my direct report. And she's applied for the supervisor position along with a few other people including a couple of co-workers.

So I really shouldn't have been surprised when she called. And I guess I wasn't. But when I was sitting at home last night, IMing with friends and posting on message boards...and I suddenly received an IM from her...after the months of dormancy...yeah, I was a tad surprised.

I swear, she must think I'm the most naive person...and that I'm completely incapable of seeing through her very obvious ploys. She "claimed" that she wasn't IMing me to find out if I'd made a decision. But she asked. And I anticipated that she'd ask. And then suddenly it was all about missing hanging out...a decision SHE made. She told me how she missed our friendship and that she felt like she didn't know how to talk to me anymore. And you know how the whole thing struck me? MANIPULATIVE!!!

This girl is just sooo self involved. It took me longer than usual to notice it because she's kinda quiet and mousy and passive aggressive. And it took till last year to notice it. And I thought maybe it was just a bad week. Last year, after hurricane Charley, lots of people in this area were displaced, homeless, powerless (both literally and figuratively). Her family lost their pool cage and a few shingles. The company we worked for was an integral part of the whole thing. Afterall, we work for a communications company...the only one up during that time. Anyway, we were asked to help out at the emergency call center while our location was closed for business. Our company paid us our hourly salary plus overtime and quota relief. And she was complaining. She felt she should be with her family in "their time of need". I thought it was selfish.

My best friend is ill. He confided in her about his illness. After I left...she made a crack to another employee about being sick of him and his illness and that she found it to be bull crap. Nevermind that it's a legitimate illness and life threatening. So he's been sick a few days. She's gone on multiple vacations, then had a shoulder injury, then a foot injury...both required her to be out for a longer period of time...and they picked up her shifts with no complaint.

After I heard about the comment she made...behind his back, I was sick to my stomach. And I realized that I never really knew her. I was a part of her life as long as I was convenient and I could help her and her career.

When she asked me if I'd want to go shopping with her again for her newest wedding gown (because she's only been married a year, but apparently the wedding was more her mother-in-law's than hers), she thought it would be simple...and another way to "bond" with me since we hadn't spent time together in ages. In my new position, I was forced to turn her down. I don't want anyone misinterpreting my actions or thinking I'm playing favorites. And frankly, it wasn't a hardship. I didn't want to go. When I explained why, she acted hurt...(and I'm sure she was). And then she proceeded to tell me how all that I taught her months ago contributed to the skill she shows at her job now.

She started asking me if I knew anything about filing workers comp papers, etc. Fortunately, I wasn't lying when I said I had no idea. And if I hadn't, I still wouldn't have helped. She hurt her shoulder again. She claims it happened falling on the job. Funny thing about that....the tapes were reviewed...never saw a fall of any kind. It'll be interesting to see what happens there.

So how in the HELL could she...for one second...think that I would offer a supervisor role to someone like this? She went the extra mile in the beginning to get a recommendation to get hired. After that she just acted entitled. She wasn't willing to take on more responsibility, and what responsibility she DID take was all grudgingly taken. Then there's the fact that she's thrown every manager she's had under the bus....including me...the only one who really ever had her back. She isn't even willing to take a full-time position unless it's management because it's easier to make more money if she doesn't. It's like she's afraid of going above and beyond. And she doesn't exactly have the respect of her team. So why would I bother? Why would I go out on a limb and put MY business in her hands? Sorry, I've lost faith and she broke trust. It's done. I'm done.

I hate users. And the worst thing? She doesn't even see how transparent she is. And it's too bad. I'm a pretty good friend. And as a boss....I'm GREAT at getting people promoted.

Oh, well. Her loss. Maybe if she grows up she'll get an opportunity again.

Lighten UP!

I have some very goofy friends who send me the darndest things. When I saw the first one, I cracked up.

I remember when the myth was that masturbation could make you go blind! I guess the threat didn't work any better with other people than it did with me.

Can you imagine the kitty graveyard out there if THAT statement were true?

Isn't that the REAL American past time? I think there are more Americans that masturbate than watch the world series.

As for the second pic? Well, that one's self explanatory.

And ANYONE who is or has worked in any form of a service industry understands this one all too well.

It kinda reminds me of the picture we used to have posted in our back office...it was a big circle with an X in the center...and at the bottom it said....

"Bang head here!"

There are always days...

It's our humor that helps us survive them. That and Alcohol.

I love my friends! They're great for making my laugh JUST when I need it.

The ME in the Mirror

I was in a chat with a bunch of friends last night, when someone mentioned seeing an article about Kirstie Alley and having her stomach stapled.

"Isn't she the Jenny Craig spokesperson?" someone asked.

We were all pretty sure she was...but apparently Jenny Craig only KINDA worked for her. So she had her stomach stapled. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.

Women of today already have self esteem and image issues, all these unrealistic expectations they're trying to live up to. Not everyone can be Kate Moss....THANK GOD!

But on the other hand, it doesn't help to watch people represent things like "healthy" weight loss and then find out that she's had her stomach stapled. So going on Jenny Craig won't yield the average person the same results as Kirstie, will it? So how fair is it to hold HER up as the example of what Jenny Craig can do for you? It's hypocritical, not to mention even more damaging to the already fragile female self esteem.

Of course this is just one more in a long line of unrealistic expectations. I mean, in the '80's and early '90's people were gobbling up Jane Fonda work outs. How funny is it that despite all her exercise videos, she'd had liposuction to help her figure and image out?

And what does this say to the everyday person? That if you've got money, you don't HAVE to take care of yourself...with enough money, you can BUY the body you want....and laziness is acceptable.

Gotta love the double standards. I still say the old fashioned way of hard work, exercise, diet and self control are more effective, not to mention easier on your system.

But hey, I could be wrong.

I've heard it's happened once or twice.

Mayday, Mayday!

There's this boy. He flirts. With me. A lot.

He's definitely a temptation. He's got blond hair, chocolate brown eyes, prominent cheeck bones, chiseled jaw....and the cutest, tightest butt.

Butt's are very important. There's something about a bouncy, perky bubble butt that just catches my attention and draws the eye.

This young man is 18 years old.

I should run the other way.

I met him while I was working at one of my former locations. He's a technology geek. He knows how to use big words correctly...and he's still cute. It's tough to find guys in my age bracket that meet these requirements. And when I met him, he was jailbait. Sexy and Seventeen. And there he was...flirting with me...full of innuendo. I told him that as cute as he was, he was jailbait.

His response?

"It's only illegal if I tell."

The boy screamed trouble in neon! And yet...

I behaved. Then he turned 18. And he made sure I knew it. Whispered in my ear..."You know I'm legal now"....

And my libido went into overdrive. That was in March. I maintained control.

Then he called me last night. Not that this would be the first time he's called. But this time he asked me out. To a movie. A horror movie. We flirted...with eachother...and the idea...of a darkened theater...and me playing scared. And that we'd have the cover of darkness to hide any hanky panky. Is it wrong that when he said that he'd be quiet...(after intimating that he'd like my hands somewhere around his pants)...that I egged it on by saying that he doesn't know how good my hands are?

Like a good girl, I rainchecked... My friends are telling me to go teach the boy a thing or two...and have fun.

I think I'm gonna wind up pulling a Mrs Robinson.

Am I just delaying the inevitable?

At least I'm single...

Love And Marriage

I've been on vacation for the first time in years and I just got back. Ironically enough, the vacation called for me to fly out at the same time the hurricane was heading in....and we missed it. Yeah!

Having said that...today I spent catching up on my shows recorded on TiVo and I saw something that left me pretty appalled.

There was a nightly news teaser...it kinda disgusted me, not to mention turned my stomach.

I guess the new big thing is "divorce parties". They were filming them...you got to see themes, invitation cards, party hats, alcohol, high fives, etc. All I could think of was...how wrong...and how sad.

Here's a dissolution of marriage, and it's being lauded as the new "in" thing to do. Does marriage mean so little anymore? The destruction it causes families is now "no big deal"? And what about the carnage left behind? The broken dreams, the broken lives, the leftover kids? Do they not matter anymore?

Now, more and more, it seems that celebrating anniversaries are a thing of the past. Divorce is too easy. Marriage is entered too casually...with the thought "hey, if it doesn't work out, I can always get divorced." Color me old fashioned, but that's a HUGE part of why I haven't gotten married yet.

A few years ago I was at a wedding and in the first sentence the priest mentioned divorce. Granted it was in a different context, but all I could think of was that to even utter a word at that time is inappropriate...and it puts the thought into the excited bride and groom's minds. And I still believe in forever...in happily-ever-after. Maybe that makes me a sucker or a fool, but I do. And I believe that marriage takes work...and constant communication. Marriage is for the stubborn, for those who refuse to quit.

Now my parent's marriage didn't work out. And I do believe that there are certain exceptions to the rule...but overall, I think marriages stop working out because people stop trying and stop talking.

This weekend I was lucky enough to be a part of a surprise anniversary party for my best friend's parents. Their golden anniversary. I got to see their tears of appreciation and surprise that people loved them enough to plan this party out. Their life hasn't been easy. They've seen eachother through cancer, alcoholism, the death of children and grandchildren, but at the base was always a love of eachother and their kids. It was wonderful to get the opportunity to bask in their love...to celebrate THAT!

Thriving in love and marriage...THAT's worth celebrating...

Giving up has never been something worth a party to me.

Different Levels of Torture

Why do women put themselves through it? Is it vanity? Some misguided idea that it makes us more attractive to the opposite sex? That it makes our asses somehow look smaller and our legs look longer? Because we can't possibly be doing it just for ourselves. I swear, it's a great way to torture a person... If this is what they do at P.O.W. camps I'd have been talking inside 15 minutes.

What am I talking about? NEW high heeled shoes, of course! Breaking them in is wicked and cruel...and yet we inflict this on ourselves.

Bought a new pair a couple days ago. They always seem fairly comfortable when you leave the store....after they get the money out of you. Once you own them? They're instruments of pain. I'm sooo not wearing black to work tonight.

The real irony? "My Feet Hurt" is code between me and a couple of my gay friends for "Hot guy, check him out!" As I'm breaking in these new shoes there's much confusion. That's okay, it's revenge for what Jared did to me the day I bought them. I was helping him out at work...walked across the way to the store where I bought the shoes...but not till after I told him where I'd be going.

I came back...he was nowhere to be found. I asked Sarah where he'd went...praying that he was at the back storage unit. She said he'd left to return to the mall across the street. I told her to call him...the call went something like this.

Sarah: "Hey!"
Jared: "What's Up?"
Sarah: "Are you at the mall?"
Jared: "Yeah, lots of stuff to do, boss is whining about making sure everything looks good here."
Sarah: "Did you forget anything?"
Jared: "What are you talking about?"
Sarah: "Do you remember who you drove over here?"
Jared: "Huh?"
Sarah: "Do you remember who you walked in here with?"
Jared: "Oh, Shit! I forgot Kat!"
Sarah: "Uh huh!"
Jared: "Doh! Tell her I'll be there in a few minutes. Crap!"

Me...sitting there...feeling very forgotten and unloved for the moment. But only a moment. Then, I did what any self respecting best friend would do. I called his boyfriend and pimped him out for forgetting me. Oh, yeah. Between Mike and me, he'll never hear the end of it.

Now I don't feel so bad for taking pictures of large women in spandex bent over, cottage cheese and T-back hanging out...and sending it to his camera phone. Revenge is sweet!

Understanding Love

I was talking to this guy on my way into work the other day. It was one of those mundane days until he said something that I've heard him say a couple times now....but this time it made me see red. And I responded.

He said..."You'll never understand the love of God until you have a child of your own."

This bothered me on a few levels. So I outright told him that I didn't agree. I just don't find the love of God and the love of children to be mutually exclusive. Now I know, some people will look at me and assume I'm being defensive because I'm single and haven't had children yet. If that's how they choose to read this, so be it, but that statement was too patronizing and simplistic, not to mention insulting to pass up.

I don't feel that having children is a prerequisite to understanding the power of the love between God and man. For some, maybe having a child is the first time that they experience an unselfish relationship where they'd give up anything for the well being of someone else. I think that for those people, it's true...it's the first time they've felt a pure bond with someone...so it's the first time they've felt a kinship with their maker...or seen that the world must be bigger than what we see...because they see their child as a miracle. Wonderful for them.

But what about the childless? The ones with hearts so full of love that they adopt...the child isn't flesh of their flesh...but the love is no less strong. Or what about the flipside? What about parents like Susan Smith and others that litter the news? They were given the gift of children...and they chose to snuff it out. Did having children touch their hearts and souls? Obviously not...or at least not in a good way.

And what about people who give up the right to have children who dedicate their lives to God and ministry...because they choose to sacrifice the right to have children...does that mean that even in direct service of God they can't feel that grace? I don't think so.

Me? I love children. I don't have any right now. It wouldn't be fair to bring any into my world at this time when I'm so career driven. Children deserve to be the number one priority. I firmly believe that. And at this point in my life I can't offer it. Does that mean I don't understand what it's like to love and be loved by God?

I don't know....I've always felt his love surround me. It's what's given me strength in the hardest times in my life. I'm not a preachy person by nature. I don't force my beliefs on others...but I've never questioned my own values. I know that when I've hurt the most, or been the loneliest...God's always been there...sometimes in a beautiful summer day to put a smile on my face and remind me that there's beauty, even with pain. Other times it's with a friend to give me that hug I need to get through the day. Sometimes it's been with someone who needs me...allowing me to take my mind off myself and my own problems and help them out, reminding me that things can get better.

I've lost two brothers. And you know what helped me get through that? Having a God to believe in. Feeling touched and comforted in my darkest times. And knowing that I have the chance to see them again.

I also pointed out to this guy...if your whole belief in God stems only from the love of your children...what happens to that belief and faith if something bad were to happen? If, and I pray it never does, you lose a child? Do you then also lose your faith? If so, was it ever truly faith?

I believe that it's through the simplest, purest things in life that you start to see the beauty of a greater power. For me, that's God. Does my not having a husband or children make my relationship with him any less real?

I think not.

Beer Goggles

If ever I forget...Here's another reminder why moderation in all things is to be admired...LOL!

One of my closest friends, Jared, introduced me to Bloodhound Gang. Their song "You're Pretty When I'm Drunk" is classic.

Truthfully, I'm not much of a big drinker...due to prior experience I'm cautious. Too much of a control freak. That and I'm not big on drinking and driving. I've only been mildly drunk twice in my life...and never to the point of puking. Both times were wild fun. And I was with people I trust.

Now back to Jared, he's a riot. He called me up tonight a tad drunk. The thing about him...he's gay. And he's the coolest, funniest guy I know. He's also the only person who's ever managed to get me a tad bit tipsy.

He called me tonight because he'd been drinking, he was horny...and he said he was in the mood for phone sex. With me, apparently. I found this to be hysterical. He's like that. His boyfriend was at work. He told me to talk dirty to him. He never ceases to make me laugh.