Our Wedding Picture Montage

So Bella Photography was who we went through for our wedding pictures. Included in our package was a picture montage along with 1 beautiful, leatherbound album, 2 smaller parents albums and 4 mini albums. We also got $160 to spend on photos. They did a pretty good job. Looking back there were a few pictures I wish I'd thought to ask the photographer to get, but fortunately for me I have amazing people in my life like Suzie Lane who owns Susan Lane Photography and my sister. Between them, Judy, Natalie, Amber, Shelley...well, we got a bit of everything.

The below link is to our picture montage from the wedding. Enjoy!


Kat and Kirk

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So Much Has Happened

Ok, so it's been a while since I've blogged and the year has been incredibly busy! Since the last time I've had my bridal shower, bachelorette party & wedding in Chicago. We've had our mini-honeymoon in Texas. My cousins, Heather and Yann, had their beautiful baby girl...Camille Rose. Amber and Ben and Suzan and Mike got engaged. Gary & Sandi and Mike and Angie are expecting new additions to their families. And Grandpa Plass passed away. To say that our universe has been hectic would be a mild understatement. Anyway, here are a few pictures to share! I'll go into more detail when I have some time...

Time Starts To Fly

I'm very lucky to have my sister. The wedding is in 45 days...and time is really starting to fly. I'm getting RSVP's in the mail or through my website http://nelsonandlevato.weddings.com, which is really awesome and a great way for me to track the guest list. Some friends are also signing the guest book there and sending their best wishes, which is awesome! Technology is a beautiful thing. We've been able to post pictures from the events like the engagement party & bridal shower and details for places to stay, etc for the out of towners! Chris has also been able to tend to a lot of the details that require local attention, along with planning the bachelorette party.

In the next week or so I'll need to send the dj a finalized music list, make sure mom has paid the florist the remaining balance, ensure that Kirk has the men's gifts under control and gotten his tux measurements. I'll also need to send the signed updated contract for the reception hall.

It's funny because as I look back into our childhood I'm reminded of how Chris and I used to torment each other. I used to be the older sister who wanted to experiment on things that she was curious about...like if you punch someone in the stomach--does it really hurt? So I'd use her as a guinea pig...and she'd be cool with it until it actually hurt. Then she'd cry and tell on me. Or as we got older, if I'd be talking on the phone to a boy, she'd be driving me crazy either trying to distract me or listening in until I'd have to chase her down and threaten her with bodily harm. I was always the more physical one...LOL!

Now that we're older I crack up...she's always got a friend she is dying for me to meet when I come to town. Someone who feels they know me already. And it never fails...she's always telling me how they remind her so much of ME! Some of her best friends now that she's an adult are people that remind her of me. Of course my best friend is a nurse like her! So what does that tell you? LOL!

Pictures from the Bridal Shower

Mom with Judy's daughter!

Sis (Maid-of-honor), Kurt (Step-dad), Tux the cat, Mom, Me, Aunt Norma & Phyllis (cousin)

Musicbox gift from Mother-in-law to be...plays Unchained Melody!

The ring

Me with my future in-laws. The blond lady across from me is Kirk's mom, the blond next to me is Sandi (Kirk's brother's wife) & the one waving is Laura, Kirk's sister & one of my bridesmaids, the rest are relatives on the Orlando side of Kirk's family!

The day was wonderful, both our families were great. It meant a lot to have them all there!

In 54 Days...

....my life as Kat Nelson will end and I will officially become a member of the Levato family. What does that mean for me? Probably not a lot in the day to day of my life. But as a whole? Everything will change.

No longer will I be a single unit, but I will be a partner, a help mate. Decisions will no longer be made solely with me in mind, but will now be looked at from the aspect of what's best for US. It's not that I wasn't already doing this subconsciously. Let's face it, we've been living together for 15 years. You don't survive that kind of relationship without learning a thing or two. But now it will be based on a vow we'll be making in the eyes of God, our families and friends, each other and the law.

Several people who've known me for a while have asked if I'm getting nervous yet. If I'm getting cold feet. If I'm starting to freak out. I mean let's face it, I've had committment issues. Whether it's due to the relationship I witnessed from the parental units or not, it's the truth.

But the funny thing is, I'm steady as could be right now. I'm feeling rock solid. Calm, even. Because I feel like this is where I'm meant to be and this is the right time. The truth is that I love Kirk. I couldn't picture spending my life with anyone else! And I trust him.

The real reason behind my committment issues before was always misunderstood. It wasn't because I was afraid to make a committment. It was because I believe in marriage vows and that they should last forever. I don't take that lightly. I don't rush into things thinking about the "outs". When I make that committment and give myself 100%, that's IT for me. I throw myself wholeheartedly into everything I do. I don't know how to hold myself back. So I took a while to get to here. And there's no doubt in my mind that the party's just beginning.

Next come children... My family's taking bets on how quickly we can make that happen. LOL! I think my sister's hoping for a honeymoon niece or nephew.

Only God knows...because we're leaving that in his hands.

The Final Countdown Begins

Today I came home to a delivery sitting at our front door. Kirk's cousins sent some gifts from our registry. I can't believe how quickly time has been flying! Our wedding is in 87 days. It seems like only yesterday we got engaged, yet it was actually more than a year ago!

I'm excited right now because I'm headed out to Chicago in 7 days. I'll be arriving in town on my sister's birthday. I'm sure that will mean going out to dinner with the P's and Rich. It'll be a lot of fun being around for her birthday again! Then on Friday we have an appointment with the cake lady, lunch with an old friend and an evening tasting for the reception's menu. Saturday we pick my cousin up from the airport and then head to my sister's concert. Sunday is my bridal shower. Monday is my birthday. I also have a meeting with the minister about the wedding that morning. Tuesday I head back home.

Oddly enough, as busy as the weekend sounds, I think it will be a fun and refreshing change. Work has been one challenge after another lately and it'll be nice to be able to shut off my phones for a while. :-)

Ladies Night

Here's one of the reasons I LOVE my Mary Kay career. Last night Cheryl (pictured at the top) hosted a skin care class for me. We did the "Dash Out The Door" look which takes a very small amount of time when doing on your own. We laughed, had fun, and the results of the skin care and just a touch of cosmetics was amazing!

I was talking to my best friend and she was saying that she wished she had girlfriends that lived close by. She's going through a lot right now and she'd love to have a girl's night out! I told her that one of the biggest perks from my Mary Kay career besides the obvious is that whenever I get the urge to have a girls night out, all I have to do is book a skin care class or a facial. Even if I don't know everyone, I do by the end...and they're so much fun! What great ways to blow off steam after your primary job has been wearing you down. It really doesn't feel like work!

Above are the before and after shots from my portfolio that I took of the ladies from last night. Such a HUGE difference! They all looked lovely, I think. And we haven't even gotten to their follow up appointments for Advanced Glamour yet! Don't they look fabulous? Proper skin care makes a world of difference in the results your face will show. You see the change so quickly...and consistency only makes the results better!

Fun, friends and beauty...what a great cure for the stresses of the world! And from a professional level? I love that cosmetics are recession proof! There are only 3 things that are: alcohol, cigarettes & cosmetics. It's great to have a back up plan!

Attaining and Measuring Success

It's the little things that help me measure my success.

This morning I began my day with a 7 am conference call. Well, ok, I guess it was yesterday morning since it's 1:30 am as I'm writing this. On our call my team decided on a name. We are now called "the Regulators". I'm not really thrilled with the title. It makes me think of Metamucil or menstrual cycles. But...they voted and decided on it themselves. It's the first step in building a foundation of a solid team. The second step will happen next Friday as the team brainstorms to come up with what a "Regulator" stands for.

I also snuck in some creative visualization with my guys today. I made today a theme day. I called it Fantasy Friday. I set the stage by sending out an email to the group telling them to imagine that the year was 2010 and that they'd just received their W-2's. On the form it said they made $100,000. The goal of today was to send a shout out to the team with every feature and device they sold that made them money. In their shout out they were to picture how they would put that $100,000 to use. At the end of the day I'd compile a list of the top 10 plans on how to spend the money and send it out the following morning. The team will vote on their favorite idea and the winner would get a free lunch on me, with me.

It probably doesn't sound like much, but in reality it's a pretty big deal. The reality is that if a person can visualize being successful and making that kind of money, they are more likely to make it happen. If you can visualize spending the money, you can visualize earning the money, which means you can make your success happen. So as they came up with ideas...and the more detailed they got, the more they bought into their own success.

Later in the day I got to spend some quality time coaching the team members in one of my newer locations. I got them bought into improving their salesmanship through the tips and pointers I gave them. I helped improve the attitude and approaches that the reps had. It felt like I made a difference, so I felt really good about the day.

This evening I had more good news. My second recruit went active, my third is on her way to becoming active. If she goes active along with 2 other women I'll go on target for my first Mary Kay car and be well on my way to going for director! After talking to my director I realized that this is immensely doable. So tomorrow I'm going to be working on doing exactly that by 5 pm tomorrow. At 6 I have a skin care class with a colleague and some of her girl friends. This is so exciting!

If you want to know more about Mary Kay or how I'm making a success of it, give me a call! If you want to help my business as a customer, feel free to go to my website at http://www.marykay.com/klevato. Either way, any help anyone wants to give towards my success, whether it be support, advice, purchases, or a request for more information...I'd love that. If you don't know how to reach me, go to my site...there's a link to my email.

I'm passionate about both my careers and my success. God has really been able to help with my clarity and vision, and as a result, I've been attaining success! I just keep doing my daily devotionals and talking to God for guidance and I can feel a difference in how centered I am. It's like the lyrics of an old Amy Grant Song called All I Ever Have To Be:

When the weight of all my dreams
Is resting heavy on my head
And the thoughtful words of help and hope
Have all been nicely said
But I'm still hurting, wondring if I'll ever be the one
I think I am...
I think I am...

Then you daily re-remind me
That you've made me from the first
And the more I try to be the best
The more I get the worst.
And I realize the good in me
Is only there because of who you are
Who you are...

Refrain:
And all I ever have to be is what you've made me
Any more or less would be a step
Out of your plan
As you daily re-create me help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do what I can find
And all I ever have to be
All I ever have to be
All I ever have to be
Is what you've made me.

Doesn't that promise just take all the pressure off? It opens me up to being able to focus simply on what he wants for my life and not to worry because my direction is in his hands. He can be trusted.

Gratitude is just Great Attitude morphed into 1 word!

This last week was difficult at best. I've been busy closing down the last of my Circuit City stores, been dealing with the instability that was created prior to my taking over my new group. With all the changes my location group changed from Fort Myers to Naples to Sarasota to Naples. Two of my new locations had one manager, the furthest north had another one. This means that there's a bit of an adjustment that needs to happen with management style changes and team visions.

I've been working long hours closing down my last Circuit, which meant I couldn't do all the visits that I wanted to do this week. I worked several 12 hour shifts closing down one location, then spent the rest of the week trying to gauge my new team member's knowledge and skill set levels.

In exchange for all my hard work my manager called me to the carpet for the numbers of my newly formed team of 1.5 weeks. He didn't feel our key performance indicators were good enough and he wanted instant change. Never mind that we were killing it in our activations/upgrade numbers overall. His concern was that some of the other stuff wasn't fixed overnight. (My team had always been good at these categories) Because of our "lack of performance" in this area he chose to get on the phone with me and tell me that he had concerns about our performance (hinting at my ability, etc). He wanted me to go home that evening and think long and hard at myself and my team and write him an action plan on what I was going to do for the rest of the month to improve this number. He also wanted me write down what areas I needed his and his floating manager's help in. He said it all in a very negative and condescending way. It was insulting...but not nearly as insulting as him telling me that he was going to be sending his floating manager down to shadow me for the next week to see what it is I do on a daily basis and critique my every move. It was a slap in my face and the ultimate in micromanaging.

Needless to say I was furious at first. Tears of impotent rage in my eyes. But I knew I was of no use to my team in that condition so I took some deep breaths. I calmed myself. I prayed. And then I remembered that later that evening I had a facial set up with my old friend, Shannon, for Mary Kay.

I came home and started preparing, much to Kirk's surprise. He knew that I was in a snit. He figured I'd probably want to reschedule or just curl up in a ball for a while. He knows me well. Much as I wanted to just hide and lick my wounds somewhere I knew it wasn't the right thing to do.

So I got dressed up, I packed up my gear and I went to Shannon's house. In my CD player I listened to one of my training CD's from Lisa Madson's Pacesetter's call and let it fill me up with positive thoughts and reinforcements. I looked forward to seeing my old friend and hearing about how her new baby was doing! I had some cool things to show her and I was being given an opportunity to pamper her and help her look and feel good!

When I got to Shannon's I gave her a big hug. We sat down and did her facial. I showed her how to get a great "Dash Out The Door" look and showed her how proper skin care could help improve the signs of aging around her mouth and eyes! She loved it! She bought a bunch of product from me and scheduled an appointment for her "advanced glamour" look where she planned on inviting a couple of friends!

As I got back into my car I began to think about my day and how my Mary Kay appointment really turned it around. When I left for Shannon's house I had a huge knot behind my shoulder blade and felt like a punching bag for my boss, leaving me feeling a bit out of sorts and without control. But after being at Shannon's and sharing Mary Kay with her and taking time to watch her videos of baby Tony, I felt GREAT!

I realized one thing then and there. As much as I love my job, I don't really love my boss. I'd prefer to be my own boss, control my own destiny. It seems to me that the more time I spend learning about the Mary Kay opportunity, the more it seems God is pointing me in this direction. As long as I keep working my business I'll be able to supplement my income until I can match what I make at my current career. My goal is to make this work the way I've made my other careers work so that I'm successful enough to be able to leave my other job...something I never thought I'd consider doing.

In the end, it comes down to what I've always told my team...the only thing I can control is my attitude. So for now I'm going to give 100% to my job and 100% to my Mary Kay career when I'm not working. And I'm going to continue to ask for God's guidance and direction and plan my wedding!

There's something about Mary Kay's Golden Rule motto along with her "God First, Family Second and Career Third" that really speaks to me. It's helped me realize that I'm glad and grateful to have the job I have even when I'm not thrilled with my boss because it's motivation to do great things with the Mary Kay business I own so that I can leave soon...and on my own terms!

Hey, God really DOES help those who help themselves!

The Power Of Affirmations

Since joining Mary Kay I've come to really admire my recruiter and director...Robbie Brannon. She recruited me with a CD & DVD called "Your Future Is Now". This cd has helped me recruit my first team members. So far I have 3 new team members using that same CD. The speaker is an amazing woman named Lisa Madison. She's my National Sales Director. What an incredible success story she has! In my starter packet were some CD's by Lisa called "Keep It Simple".

Robbie challenged us to write affirmation statements to start off this new year. Then I heard Lisa's first affirmation statement she made in the '80's...and how she discussed the power of making an affirmation tape or cd. That's what she did back in the day...and 13 years later all her affirmations came true! I figured I'd try my hand at it.

"Kat's Affirmation"

I am a skilled, talented, dynamic leader. I create opportunities to talk about Mary Kay and build my business. I am earning the use of my first Mary Kay career car in the next 4 months. I am on my way to Dallas this July as a sales director. Lisa Madison will be at my debut to introduce me. I am utilizing the talents and creativity that God has blessed me with to generate and build business opportunties.

I make time to exercise every day because I know that my body is a temple and that balance between mind, body and spirit is key to my well being. I am eating healthier. Junk food is not a temptation for me. I have time to cook and enjoy my meals.

I lead a balanced, happy life and inspire those around me to do the same. When someone positively comments on my life or my confidence I take it as an opportunity to share my faith and my Mary Kay success story with them. I feel great about myself and find ways to help those around me feel great about themselves. I have a magnetic personality that draws people to me.

People are dying to help me in my Mary Kay business. They are thrilled to book parties with me and join my team! I am a PRO at selling "I Want It All"! Where other people see problems and crises I see challenges and opportunities waiting to be discovered.

I take ownership of all aspects of my career and my life. I do not accept excuses because I know that they are nothing but stumbling blocks to my growth and that accepting them from myself would be another way of saying that I'm not capable of more. I am the best me that I can possibly be every day.

God is the focal point in my life. I daily exemplify the values of God first, Family second and Career third. I make time for morning devotionals. I am constantly finding new ways to worship and praise God.

I am making $20,000 by the end of my 1st year with Mary Kay.

I am a National Sales Director by 2017. Robbie and Lisa are at my debut and are celebrating my success with my friends and family. My family and I are living in a large 3 story house in Texas with a fenced in back yard for the dogs to run free, an office for my business and a pool and spa in the back yard. Kirk and I are able to enjoy our Dallas Cowboys season tickets along with our children. Our oldest child is 6 years old and our second is 4. Kirk has moved forward with his career and loves his job. Mary Kay has enabled me to be a stay-at-home mom and still thrive in my career beyond my wildest dreams.

I am so successful in my career that I now have an assistant to keep me organized in my business, a team I love and am helping grow the way Robbie helped me, a house keeper to maintain my home, and landscapers to keep my yard manicured as well as people to take care of my pool. We are able to do nice things for our friends and family and enjoy vacations all over the world. We thank God daily for giving me an outlet to utilize my talents and help build the life we've always wanted without compromising our values.

And that's my affirmation statement. It enables me to visualize my success and make it happen. I figured writing it down where everyone can see will just hold me more accountable for making a success of my career.

Thinking Pink

I've made some changes in my life. With the upcoming wedding I've been thinking more and more about family and having children...and how that would work with my current career. My life is so fast paced. My work takes up so much of my time and energy.

And then I got the call that I think may have changed my life. A wonderful lady named Robbie Brannon called me and let me know that because I was a bride she wanted to offer me a free skin care class and makeover. She let me know that I was free to invite friends or bridesmaids.

I was a little skeptical of the product because 20 years ago I had been allergic to Mary Kay. But I was willing to give it a shot. I wanted my skin to be in perfect condition so that it would be a fabulous canvas for makeup on my wedding day. I figured...what could it hurt?

As she walked us through our facials and our "out the door" looks I was impressed with how well the products worked. My skin felt amazing! And then she rescheduled us for our "Advanced Glamour" class. As we were buying our merchandise after our first appointment she looked at Amber and myself and said..."Have you ever considered doing anything like this? I think you'd be GREAT at it!"

Cocky me. In my head I was thinking...I KNOW I'd be great at it. So I told her she could give me some information. She sent me home with a packet and CD & DVD by a lady named Lisa Madson. She is Robbie's National Sales director. I listened to the CD and found myself incredibly intrigued. There were so many money making opportunities...and I liked the product. And best of all...I loved their values! They believe in God First, Family Second, Career Third! Man, would I love to live my life that way. And they believed in praise. And building up and empowering women! These are all things that are nearest and dearest to my heart!

So I signed up. I kinda feel like God might be guiding me here. He knows how much family means to me. He knows that if I have children I'll want to slow down from my insanely hectic career path and be able to be there with my family. He knows that I thought my mom being a stay-at-home mom during my formative years was a great thing. And he also knows that in order to live my life this way I'd need to be able to supplement my income. Mary Kay gives me that ability. In fact, I decided that to be successful I'd need to have my own inventory...so I bought some. My goal this year till September is to pay off the credit card I used to purchase my inventory and to pay off my wedding.

I signed up in the last week or so of December. I had my first skin care class this last Saturday, my first recruit today & my first facial today. I'm off to a solid start! Here is my website: http://www,marykay.com/klevato. You can actually go on there and do virtual makeovers for yourself if you'd like. And you can also order merchandise... It really WAS easy.

And here are some of the first faces I've worked with. We only did the skincare portion on half the face & then some make up. Look at the difference, the healthiness that glows from their faces! Let me know what you think!

Words That Make You Stop And Think...

"Why do we always assume that the church is only for the people who need it the least?"

These were words spoken by a minister at a church in my area I was checking out last Sunday. It made me pause. He continued talking about the fact that it seems as though when we're most troubled...that's also when we're most likely to turn away from church and God...in shame. He cited examples like someone who'd lost their job feeling embarassed about facing his/her church family. Or someone who recently had surgery, then got addicted to pain meds not coming to church anymore because of their shame. Or a couple in marital trouble not wanting the church to know they were struggling, so they decide not to go. You get the basic idea.

And as I sat in that church pew I knew he was right! When we're struggling or hurt or have fallen down...the people you should be most able to count on to pick you up and help you through should be your family! Not just your biological family, but your spiritual one.

Why is it that instead of bringing our hurts to God, our first instincts are to run and hide, kind of like Eve in the garden? The God I know is a loving God, not a vengeful one. He knows the hurts are there. He waits for you to share them with him so that he can pick you up, kiss the wound and help you move on! Is it because of our stubborn and prideful natures that our emotional wounds take so long to heal? Because we refuse to let him see the cut, clean the wound and mend our hearts? I think maybe it is.

There have been many trying, challenging times in my life. And yet at the crux of some of my weakest moments...that's when I felt he carried me. When Jonathan died, there would be times that hit where I was inconsolable. I didn't think the hurting would ever stop. And yet in those times he sent people into that exact moment of my life...sometimes just to hold me as I cried, sometimes to listen to me talk, sometimes to make me laugh. Other times he gave me someone else who was hurting worse...to remind me to get over myself and that I was needed to be that person for someone else.

And that's just one of the examples of how he's always been there for me...I could list off countless other ones.

So when lately I'd been feeling at loose ends...I started realizing I needed more balance. I hadn't included the most important part of myself in the happiness in my life. I decided that what I needed wasn't just to make time for my physical health, but also my spiritual health.

Starting last week I decided it is time to work on me. So I started exercising daily. Afterall, my body is a temple. So far I've managed to consistently exercise for the last 5 of 6 days. Even better, my decision seems to have spurned Kirk on to join me in my fight to get fit. I came home the other day and he was exercising. Yesterday, because he felt like a cold was coming on, we decided the best exercise for him would be walking. So we put Izzy on her lead and took a 30 minute walk together.

I also realized that I missed my fellowship with other believers and I needed a stronger connection with Him! So I've been doing my daily devotionals every morning. I've also been praying for guidance in my word and deed that He would put the right words into my mouth not only to help build my team, but to also be a reflection of Him. I prayed for guidance and understanding, prayed for my friends who are going through medical and emotional hardships, prayed for my loved ones. And I've been trying to find a church in the area that I like. The church I went to last week is the first one I checked out. I liked what I saw and the words of the minister spoke to my heart. I plan on going back this week.

And it's funny. I'm not really a preachy person, yet it seems lately as though since I've made this decision, I'm more focused, more centered...and have found myself having more opportunity to talk about God and faith. I'm thinking there's a message from God in there, somewhere. Isn't it great that He gives us choices? His message to me is coming across loud and clear...I think it's probably best that I listen.

A Little Wedding This And That

I wanted some cool, artistic pictures taken of my ring, so while I was out in Illinois visiting my family, my sister took a few. I really enjoyed the way she placed them, so I thought I'd share them. The flowers were given to me by the florist at http://www.westmontfloralshop.com They were sample flowers that she showed to me while going over ideas on how to design my bouquet & those of my bridesmaids. I really enjoyed meeting my consultant. She is the owner of the shop, she knows her stuff, she didn't make any assumptions about whether we'd be giving her the business or not...and she wasn't pushy.


This week we drove back to visit our families. We stayed at his brother, Gary's home. Gary and Sandi, his wife, recently purchased a new home in Tinley Park, a few minutes down the way from their parents & sister. Their house is absolutely gorgeous. Even better, we got to hang out with their little 1 year old son, Kirk's godson, Derek. He's at that stage where he's starting to take his first steps. He's just too cute...and with such a sweet disposition. I think he's really going to make a wonderful ring bearer! He and Natalie's daughter are going to make great contrasts to each other. He's blond with blue eyes, she's dark haired with blue eyes.


While I was there I spent a couple of days with my mom & my sister. We did some galavanting for the wedding. As stated above, we were able to find a florist I liked. Even better, Mom decided she wanted to pay for the florist. So we were able to book the florist immediately and I didn't have to shop around. Of course she was also recommended by a friend of my sister's who had a wedding party of 70 people (Filipino wedding) when she got married.

After the florist we had an appointment with a photography group. Because we were late leaving the florist, we left her sitting for almost an hour. We DID talk to her so that she knew we were running late, but she was beyond patient. And the work she had to show me was fabulous. The packages were great, too...and quite frankly, anyone who's willing to wait around that long at a Panera Bread deserved our business as long as the work was acceptable. And the work was great! So immediately following the florist, we were able to book the photographer. We went with http://www.bellapictures.com/. While we were in the consultation a lady walked up and said that they did her wedding and that she was so pleased with their work. The hilarious part was that my consultant, Lisa, was afraid we'd think she paid this lady to put in the good word. Along with my package I'm getting free parent albums, free mini-albums & a free engagement photo shoot!

Lastly, we went to go look for my sister's maid-of-honor dress. The initial dress I chose for her got discontinued a week after I'd selected it. So we went to http://www.thehouseofbrides.com in Schaumburg. She tried on several dresses, but we finally found one that we liked for her...and it fit her like a glove. So we ordered it. We noticed that http://www.davidsbridal.com was across the street, so we figured we'd stop there and I could show my mom the dress that I wanted. While there, we wound up buying the dress, the shoes, the undergarments, the tiara, the veils (both elbow length & cathedral length) and the jewelry. The best part is, this guarantees that Kirk won't see my gown before the wedding. It'll be at my sister's place.

Yup, in 1 day we got SO MUCH done! The best part was that my mom and sister got to be a part of it! I'd forgotten how much fun we can have when we all get together. We did a lot of laughing that day. We ended the evening by meeting Rich, Chris's sweetheart, at Maggiano's in Oakbrook.

Excitement Builds...

Well, we've finally decided on a reception hall. I sent the deposit off last week. I, of course, am driving Kirk crazy with all the wedding talk. Haha! But he'll be fine... He knows that I'm just trying to accomplish as much as possible now since I'll be completely useless in the months of November, December and January...simply by the nature of my job.

Amber and Ben are throwing Kirk and I an engagement party down here in Florida. We're gonna do a picnic/tailgate style party...uber casual. Hey, it's Florida, and it's totally me and Kirk. We're not super formal people...though we do firmly believe that there is a time and place for that sort of thing. We're setting that date for March 22nd. Initially we were gonna do it in February, but then my sister wouldn't have been able to make it.

Kirk's sister-in-law and brother are finalizing the guest list for his side of the family. This means we'll have a much better idea of a difinitive headcount. I'll be thrilled when that's done. I've created a wedding website on weddingchannel.com, and that's pretty cool. It gives our friends and family a chance to leave us messages, to know where we're registered (which I've found out should actually be done...even if you have most of what you need...because some people feel it's rude not to) and to also know where the wedding and reception are going to be and how to get there. We'll also have, on that website, where our out of town guests can stay.

My mom has been really great. She's offered to pay for my dress...and she's planning on throwing me a bridal shower in IL. I'm starting to think on who should be invited to this party to give to my mother.

My sister Vanessa is no longer going to be standing up in the wedding. It was a mutual decision. For her it was about affordability and whether or not she'll be able to make it. For me it was worrying about whether or not she'd be able to afford it or make it...and also knowing she really wouldn't be able or available to help with any of the planning and other bridesmaid duties. Instead, my close friend, Susan, will be standing up with me.

For that matter, I'm not even sure if my dad will make it. It's not really a major loss...I'm used to him not showing up anyway. It would also simplify things for my mom. As it is, she'd rather not lay eyes on him...and if he brings his wife (the woman he cheated on my mom with) it may reopen some old wounds for her...and that's the last thing I'd want. I know she'd be fine. She's a classy lady. She's happy with her husband and her life. But I would rather not put her through that.

I've already told him that she's the one who will walk me down the aisle. He's also not been able to say difinitively yes or no regarding his coming. I'd do a father/daughter dance if he showed up...but if he didn't come...I hate to say it...I wouldn't be heartbroken. In some ways, I think I might even be a bit relieved. The oddest part is my family on my dad's side would completely understand. In fact, several of them were surprised that I even offered him to have any part in the wedding after the way he's been my whole life. For me, though, I've long since come to the conclussion that it's not healthy to hold on to that kind of bitterness and hurt. It has a tendency to take you over and color your perception of life. I refuse to let the that happen. Instead, I choose to embrace the good things that came from my youth...my tenacity, my strength, my focus, my singlemindedness, my ability to overcome the odds.

And this wedding is all about celebration...of me, of us...of who we've grown up to be. I'm proud of the people we've become.... Nothing and no one will take that away from us.

Suddenly Feeling More Real!

I'm off this week, so we've been doing some much needed housework, as well as some wedding planning and research. Yesterday I called several places that were in the running for my reception hall and asked some final questions. Kirk called his mom to try to get a more detailed guestlist for his family. (There's so many of them that it's hard to keep track!!!)

Also, I've had this thought niggling in the back of my head, and I finally decided to address it. I'd asked my half-sister, Vanessa, to stand up in my wedding as a bridesmaid. After the bridal expo I went to on Sunday, though, and some of the things my dad told me on our last conversation...I was beginning to have second thoughts.

Here's the problem. My half-sister is 20 years old and very young/immature. She's living with her boyfriend, but my dad and his wife still support her...up to and including paying for her gas. Sorry, but once you move out of the house, you sort of lose the right to expect them to take care of these things. She's hard, if not impossible, to reach. She's always got money problems. Some of the important duties for a bridesmaid include helping to plan the wedding, buying your dress for that day, and in her case, buying her plane ticket. And with my dad telling me that he was having difficulty making ends meet because he was supporting her...and hearing that she took a $3000 loan and blew the money inside a week on her boyfriend...and that she was now behind on those payments...I really started second guessing myself. I don't need that kind of stress surrounding my big day. I don't need to worry that she can't afford her gown, or she may not be able to pay for her plane ticket. So I'm talking to my dad today and letting him know that although I'd like her to be a part of the wedding, maybe this capacity is the wrong one for her. I'll give her a reading...this way if she's there or not, it's ok. And she can wear whatever she wants...so there's no additional expenses.

With that being decided firmly in my head, I asked another of my close friends from high school, Suzan, if she'd be my bridesmaid. She accepted. She's dying to introduce me to her new guy and to meet Kirk...who she's heard so much about, but not met. And she's offered to take some engagement pictures for us....for free! So stay tuned. I'll post them as I get them.

Today I also reserved the reception venue. We'll be having it at the Drury Lane in Oakbrook! I'm so excited about this. It's classy, it's elegant...and it's reasonably priced! Here are some pictures that my sister took when checking out the facility for me.

So now I feel as though I've accomplished something pretty major with the wedding planning. We've got our bridal party picked out.

This is my sister, my maid-of-honor, and her boyfriend, Rich...who will also be a groomsman.

This is Derek, Kirk's nephew and god-son. He's our little ring bearer...he'll be up and walking by then.

This is Gary, Kirk's brother and best man...holding his son, Derek.

The girl in the purple top here is my friend Suzan, who will be standing up as a bridesmaid.

These are Ben and Amber. They will also be standing up. They're some of our closest friends since moving to Florida. Amber works with me...Ben used to work with Kirk and I.
This is Ben, Kirk, and Mike...during one of our 4th of July extravaganzas. Mike will also be a groomsman at the wedding. He got married on my birthday this year.

This is Natalie, my matron-of-honor...with her daughter, Sienna, my flower girl.

The only couple not pictured are Kirk's Sister, Laura...and her husband, Mark. For some reason I can't find my pictures of them. It's just another hint that I need to clean my house. But in the meantime, now I feel like I've finally gotten something accomplished with our wedding plans.

Oh, and I think I've decided to march down the aisle to Jesu, Joy Of Man's Desiring. My sister says she knows an excellent flautist who can play along with the professional organist. I think it's gonna sound amazing!

Yup! I'm starting to get excited.

Just So Typical!

Kirk and I have been best friends since I was 19 years old. I'm 35 now. We've dated off and on since I was 20...and lived together during those 15 years. Since becoming engaged I've heard comments like "see? It pays to be patient." or "It's about time" alluding to the assumption that Kirk has been taking his time to get to the altar. I don't know why everyone assumed that he was the one who wasn't ready. Maybe it's because he's a man. They'd be wrong.

But Kirk's a gentleman in many unspoken ways. He took all the assumtions and never corrected anyone. He never wanted anyone to look at me as though I was defective or pressure me into rushing into this decision. He just waited for me...ever patient. Just like he was back in the beginning of our relationship. Back then he waited to ask me out, knowing I wasn't ready.

How did we finally come to be engaged? It's funny, really. We'd been talking about it quite a bit lately. That was his cue that I was finally ready to get serious about being married. Knowing me the way he does, he knew that although it may take time for me to come to the decision to get married, once I got there it's all full steam ahead.

So we started talking marriage and figuring out that we both wanted to go back home to Chicago to get married. We're both big family people and wanted them to be able to be a part of one of the biggest events of our lives. We started talking dates and savings even before we got engaged. We were working on calculating our finances to see what we could afford.

We looked at rings, separately and together. When he remembered that women get two rings, he cracked me up by saying that men get gypped. Where they get one ring that's usually not overly expensive, women get two! And neither one is cheap if the man is doing his job right or going by the salary to ring ratio they give you.

So I saw this pinky ring. It had playing cards on the front and it was diamond encrusted. His name was written all over it. So I thought I'd do something cool for him and buy it as an engagement gift and set it aside to give to him wheneveer he decided to propose. I hid it from him in a place I knew he wouldn't find it.But like all good plans, things went awry!

Kirk was one of those kids that caused his mom to hide his Christmas presents at the neighbor's house because he had an uncanny knack of finding them early and getting into them. I should've remembered that. So when I came home on Saturday, June 7th and found out that he'd managed to find the ring I'd bought him, I was upset.

I grabbed the ring from it's hiding space and threw the box at him (being a former athlete, he caught it) and told him that since he already knew about it, he might as well just have it. He couldn't understand why I was upset at first. I told him that he wasn't supposed to receive that ring until after I'd gotten mine. He reminded me that we'd never done anything traditionally, but it didn't change how I felt. And the more I kept thinking about it, the more disgruntled I became. I started to get upset, thinking that maybe our marriage talk was premature. Maybe he hadn't asked because he wasn't ready. Maybe I'd misread things and pushed him into telling his family that we were planning on getting married.

When I voiced it out loud, he just looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Babe, I know you can be pushy, but you know as well as I do that even you can't make me do anything I don't want to do."He was right. It's part of what I love about him. So I sat down on the couch and tried to calm down. He walked into the bedroom, then called me in there. The way my day was going, I figured that my dog had eaten or chewed through something again. So I walked into the room asking, "What did Izzy eat now?"I looked around for the damage when he dropped to his knee and asked me to marry him, ring in hand. How could I resist? I said yes.

And it was a typical "us" moment. He was waiting for the right moment. He wanted to make a grand gesture, but I blew that! He'd had the ring and was scheming to create a romantic scenario. It didn't happen that way because when he saw me get upset, he wanted me to know how much he loved me and that I wasn't pushing him at all. And to me, the bickering, the comedy....that was perfect.

Me, Mom and The Project

My Mom was in town for nearly two weeks...and left at the beginning of May. We have one of those typically tempestuous mother/daughter relationships. I love and respect her. She's someone I really look up to. Despite all that, putting the two of us in the same room for more than a couple hours at a time usually ends with an argument or a fight.

This last visit, for the first time, we spent 5 days together hanging out. And a miracle happened. We didn't fight. Not once. In fact, we had fun together. The first day was spent getting our nails done. The second included shopping for clothes...and also winding up in Home Depot's garden center where she proceeded to buy me fruit trees and fertilizer for my back yard. The third time out, we went to church together up in Sarasota. The fourth trip included buying shrubs for the front yard, mulch, landscaping sheets and more fertilizer...and then putting them into the ground. The last trip included another trip to Home Depot for more gardenias, more mulch, an edger...and then renting a roto-tiller.

We got all the plants in the ground but six gardenias. We got the first corner of my yard mulched...and that was pretty much it. But I promised my mom that I'd work on finishing the landscaping of my yard...especially since she paid for it. So, after today, here's where I am with the project.

We put up some gardenias, some hibiscus, jasmine and another vining red flower. I was actually very proud that I was able to get all the way across the house with the mulch and stuff...and put the last 6 gardenias in the ground.

All I have left to finish is mulching the last corner edge...and mulch the back yard...as well as put up the mesh fence around my veggie/herb garden.

In the back yard I now have a mango tree, two kinds of lemon trees and an orange tree to go with my three oaks. I've also got a mini-produce garden that includes tomatoes, thyme, rosemary, oregano and basil. I'm stoked because my lemon tree has a couple of fruit growing already...and my tomato plant already has about three tomatoes growing on them!




This has been seriously hard work, but completely worth it!!! You know, it was awesome that my mom paid for all of this...but I think the part that meant the most to me was taking on this project and doing it with her. It's been a long time since we've done something like this together. It meant a lot to me.

The Bittersweet

I'm finally thinking about getting married. I guess I'm starting to grow up. Kirk and I are seriously discussing things and finalizing plans. I've even discussed things with my mom and my sister.

I'm excited about the planning and the thinking things out...and considering budgets. We've decided to go back home to Chicago to get married. It'll be September...the only question is whether to do it in '09 or '10.

And yet there's this ominous cloud that's been weighing on me. I would so love to invite one of my closest childhood friends...and one of my mom's closest friends. The problem is that she's married to the man that abused me. And he's also the father of my childhood friend. If I were to invite them I have the very real concern of having this man who I want no where near me to be at the wedding. That day should be a day of happiness and rejoicing...and I refuse to have it marred by the presense of that man.

The downside is that it means I won't be able to invite any of the Filipinos because I don't want anyone hurt or rumors flying. I'll miss the Filipinos at my wedding, but it's for the best.

If that's the only fly in the ointment so far, though, we're off to a pretty good start.

Sometimes It Just Works

It's a strange thing, life. Just when you least expect it, something happens to shake up the monotony. Things have been pretty hectic for me. I haven't had the time or inclination to date. I've been perfectly content to work...and hang out with Kirk the rest of the time. We haven't been together in years. We haven't even really been thinking of each other in that way. We'd come to the conclusion a while back that although we love each other, we're not "in love" with each other....at least not anymore. And yet...lately, there's been a shift.

We spend all our time together and love doing so. Sex has never been the issue with us. In fact, there really WASN'T a real issue. I guess the old addage is true..."marriage takes falling in love over and over again with the same person." I used to believe in that statement in theory. Now I think I really get it.There's no one else I've even been mildly inclined to spend my life with. And we've been living together either as a couple or as best friends now for about 15 years! The time just snuck up on me...I'd never even thought about it until lately. Heck, if you ask my nearest and dearest, they'd say that anyone who could live with me that long and still think I'm pretty cool is pretty amazing...not to mention patient.

So now it comes to this. We've been talking about our lives lately. And suddenly I feel like I've come full circle. We're seriously talking about marriage. I know. Shocker. Me. Marriage. Who'd've thunk it?

Happiness Wrapped In Heartache

Last weekend I went to my cousin, Michael's, wedding. My sister came to town that Thursday evening sans luggage. Why? Because my mom was late picking her up for the airport. She had the option of attemting to make her flight with her luggage coming a day later or trying to run through O'Hare Airport, luggage in hand, and probably miss her flight completely. After I picked her up at the airport the first stop we made was to Walmart to get her some interim clothes, undergarments, and other essentials. Looking back, it was all kind of comedic, but at the time, it was intensely stressful...mostly for Chris.

On to my cousin's wedding. It was a beautiful event. It started early in the morning. Mike and Laura got married at 10am on a Saturday morning. The bride was radiant and the groom was thrilled. I was glad to be a part of it all. Four of the six aunts and uncles were able to make it there from up north. I never cry at weddings, but I cried at this one. The bride walked down the aisle escorted by her two young sons...and they gave her away. I found the moment poignant and sweet. It was thoughtful of both of them to include them in that manner.

The reception followed immediately in the church banquet hall. I thought it was awesome because it was a brunch reception. Lots of different kinds of breakfast foods from bagels to fresh fruit to muffins to breakfast casserole. It was light, it was fun, and most important to the bride and groom, it was cost effective yet classy.

The day should have been pretty close to perfect. One thing stood in the way from making it that kind of day. The groom's father and his wife did not come to the wedding. He refused to participate because he was against the union. I don't understand it. I was raised to believe that parents should love their children unconditionally. Maybe you don't always agree with every decision they make, but you support them through it and pray for the best.

I know Mike has been through a lot, but I don't think he deserved that kind of treatment. I understand their reservations. I really do. Mike has only been completely clean and sober for about 2 years now. He got caught up in heroin use when he was young. As it is, heroin is an addiction with a success rate of 1 of 2 people surviving. The odds are already against him. But he's been trying. He's working his program...and plans on using his experiences to do good in the world. He's working on becoming a youth pastor. He feels his personal experiences leave him uniquely qualified to help kids. I happen to agree.

A few months ago, after the date was set, they called a family meeting. My aunt, her ex husband, his new wife, and Mike's siblings and their significant others were all there. At this meeting Mike wanted to the concerns he was sure that they had. My aunt told Mike that she was concerned that he was rushing things...and that he'd been through so much already these last few years that she'd like him to take his time and slow down...but that she'd support him in whatever he did. She also said she had always liked Laura...who's been a schoolmate and friend of all three kids since they were in grade school...so it wasn't like he was marrying a stranger. She just wished they'd wait a bit.

His father, on the other hand, told him that he didn't approve, thought it would be a huge mistake, and he refused to give his support. (And he does marital counseling) Apparently his issue was with the fact that his new bride would be coming to him with a ready made family. His sister, who's a total daddy's little girl, sided with Jim. I found this sad and hypocritical based on their behaviors. Sarah got knocked up by an ex-boyfriend when she was 19. She had a young daughter when she married her husband. Jim cheated on my aunt Linda with a married woman and they broke up two homes when they got together...and they're married now. And yet he's going to cast stones and aspersions at this young lady and Mike for wanting to get married because she already has two sons? Puh-Leeze! What a flipping cop out. He has no room to talk. And then Laura asked Sarah to stand up for her in the wedding because she was one of her oldest friends...only to be told..."sorry, no. I completely agree with my dad. I'll go to the wedding, but I am going to practice tough love right now and not stand up for you guys."

Mike was devastated. He was going to ask his older brother, Dan, to stand up in the wedding, but after what happened with Sarah...he was afraid to ask. He couldn't take much more rejection. And the saddest part was that Dan WANTED to stand up...and never got the opportunity because of the selfish behaviors of his dad and sister.

I kept hoping that maybe Jim, who professes to be a very strong christian, would change his mind for Mike's sake. On the day of the wedding it was apparent he wouldn't. His loss, as far as I'm concerned. The wedding was beautiful. The minister preached about not interfering in their marriage... I couldn't help but think that the sermon was geared toward certain particular people...one who was present, and another who wasn't. His message was simple..."what God has joined together, let no man (or woman) tear asunder." He also stated that if they had concerns about the marriage...or either party in the marriage...that they should bring it to their pastor instead of taking sides within the marriage. I thought it was a pretty good message. Too bad the person who most needed to hear it wasn't there.

I talked to my aunt Linda during the reception and she said she was happy and relieved with the mature way Mike and Laura decided to take the fact that his dad would not be coming to the wedding. I guess a few weeks before the wedding Mike went to visit Jim one last time to ask him to reconsider or if he could send him an invitation. Jim's answer was that he wouldn't even accept the invitation, his feelings hadn't changed, and not to bother. Mike was hurt by the answer, but decided to take his concerns to God. He and Laura prayed about it every day. About a week before the wedding they decided to put together a box...they'd keep an extra set of all the momentos of the wedding....pictures, videos, programs, invitations, etc. They're gonna keep that box in a closet and put Jim's name on it. And in a few years, when he realizes that they did the right thing for them and he comes and tells them this...they're gonna tell him that they were sorry he couldn't be at the wedding. They would've loved to have him in their pics, etc...but that he was still there with them in their hearts. They're going to grab that box of momentos and tell him that they still want to share the wedding with him and that they saved these items for him. It helped Mike feel better about not having his dad there.

I think it's a mature way to handle things, though I can't see his dad ever apologizing or admitting he was wrong about anything. I just hope that they're able to see eachother through all this and live his dream. All Mike's ever wanted was to have a family of his own. And he looks so happy. I hope he gets to keep that smile on his face forever.