Faith

It's funny how life works sometimes...

I was reading some of the comments written in response to my first posting.

To Carly...thanks...you're a pal for guiding me this way. I needed some space to just be me.

To the rest of you...thank you all for your responses. It was a great welcome.

A couple of them got me thinking.

I know I've still got issues to work out and vent away at. It's the truth. Writing to me has always been like sharing a part of my soul. It's always proven cathartic. When I was younger, I expressed myself in poetry. And when that didn't work, I'd sing. I'd find a song who's words touched at whatever I was feeling...good, bad or ugly...and I'd pour my soul into every word. I still do that.

Anger, hurt, fear...it's always there. But self distruction...I believe that's a choice. I try not to live in that world.

And when I don't always understand something, when I can't make sense of the "why's"....I try to figure out how I can use what I've been through to help someone else.

That probably sounds cheesy.

But it's true.

After my second brother died, people came to me...asked me if I blamed God...if it had shaken my faith. Again with the "Why did God take him so young?".

I learned something valuable...

I learned I am strong. That there aren't many storms that I can't weather.

One day, about a month after my brother died, the pain just seemed unbearable. I couldn't think, I could barely breathe, I was shaking... I found myself walking aimlessly around this new, unfamiliar neighborhood that my mom had moved us to.

I wound up sitting on the bleachers of a little league baseball field (thank goodness it wasn't season) crying as if my heart were broken...which, of course, it was. I couldn't stop. I felt like the whole world had gone black and I'd probably never see the sun again.

All of a sudden, I heard someone walking my way. I tried to hide my face. I didn't want anyone to see me cry.

This guy, James, walked up to me, pulled me in his arms...didn't say a word. He just let me cry. He offered me comfort. And when I finally stopped, he walked me home.

I firmly believe God sent him to me that day. He knew I was feeling weak...so he sent me someone to lean on.

Some may question it, but that behavior was so out of character for this guy. He was the most self-centered, ego-maniacal guy I knew back then. But not on that day. That day he was there for me.

And then, later on in the year....my experiences enabled me to help my close friend Jana when her step-mom died. And my friend Holly when her dad went into a coma. And neither of them would've come to me if they hadn't known that I'd understand.

It's funny how life works sometimes...