Understanding Love

I was talking to this guy on my way into work the other day. It was one of those mundane days until he said something that I've heard him say a couple times now....but this time it made me see red. And I responded.

He said..."You'll never understand the love of God until you have a child of your own."

This bothered me on a few levels. So I outright told him that I didn't agree. I just don't find the love of God and the love of children to be mutually exclusive. Now I know, some people will look at me and assume I'm being defensive because I'm single and haven't had children yet. If that's how they choose to read this, so be it, but that statement was too patronizing and simplistic, not to mention insulting to pass up.

I don't feel that having children is a prerequisite to understanding the power of the love between God and man. For some, maybe having a child is the first time that they experience an unselfish relationship where they'd give up anything for the well being of someone else. I think that for those people, it's true...it's the first time they've felt a pure bond with someone...so it's the first time they've felt a kinship with their maker...or seen that the world must be bigger than what we see...because they see their child as a miracle. Wonderful for them.

But what about the childless? The ones with hearts so full of love that they adopt...the child isn't flesh of their flesh...but the love is no less strong. Or what about the flipside? What about parents like Susan Smith and others that litter the news? They were given the gift of children...and they chose to snuff it out. Did having children touch their hearts and souls? Obviously not...or at least not in a good way.

And what about people who give up the right to have children who dedicate their lives to God and ministry...because they choose to sacrifice the right to have children...does that mean that even in direct service of God they can't feel that grace? I don't think so.

Me? I love children. I don't have any right now. It wouldn't be fair to bring any into my world at this time when I'm so career driven. Children deserve to be the number one priority. I firmly believe that. And at this point in my life I can't offer it. Does that mean I don't understand what it's like to love and be loved by God?

I don't know....I've always felt his love surround me. It's what's given me strength in the hardest times in my life. I'm not a preachy person by nature. I don't force my beliefs on others...but I've never questioned my own values. I know that when I've hurt the most, or been the loneliest...God's always been there...sometimes in a beautiful summer day to put a smile on my face and remind me that there's beauty, even with pain. Other times it's with a friend to give me that hug I need to get through the day. Sometimes it's been with someone who needs me...allowing me to take my mind off myself and my own problems and help them out, reminding me that things can get better.

I've lost two brothers. And you know what helped me get through that? Having a God to believe in. Feeling touched and comforted in my darkest times. And knowing that I have the chance to see them again.

I also pointed out to this guy...if your whole belief in God stems only from the love of your children...what happens to that belief and faith if something bad were to happen? If, and I pray it never does, you lose a child? Do you then also lose your faith? If so, was it ever truly faith?

I believe that it's through the simplest, purest things in life that you start to see the beauty of a greater power. For me, that's God. Does my not having a husband or children make my relationship with him any less real?

I think not.