The Hag

Work has been crazy and stressful lately. Added to the insanity that is retail during holiday season is the new promotion...I'm grateful, don't misunderstand. But I'm also responsible for 4 locations. That's a lot of people.

So last Friday I was taking one of my assistant managers around my new location group (not thrilled with the name, btw...D.A.D. Manager is my new title). Along with the holiday comes much micro-managing from the higher ups. There's all the panic and chaos associated with corporate visits, etc. So I'd gotten a visit, a call, and an email about one of my locations all in one day. And it wasn't very fun. By the end of the day my assistant and I decided we needed to relax somewhere friendly that served liquid libations.

Mike met us at Chili's...afterall, it's happy hour...all the time! The three of us planned on having a drink or two. My assistant was gonna have a couple beers then head home. I started with Long Islands... Mike followed my lead. Jared headed out after he finished brown nosing to the mucky mucks who were having drinks at Ruby Tuesdays...(I was invited, figured it would be career suicide as I'm honest sober; drunk- I'm painfully so...and I was feeling the urge to tear their throats out and step on them at the time).

The one or two drinks somehow multiplied into 5 or 6. It had been a while since I'd had the time to simply cut loose and have fun and not worry about work. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, so the booze went straight to my head. I was feeling good.

We all got a bit silly. I unzipped Jared's pants...he called me a chicken for not doing more (gay men are such teases). He gave me a lap dance. Mike and J had a contest as to who nibbles on a neck better...and mine got to be the lucky neck. Some woman offered to buy me a shot called the "bend me over and lick my ass"...told me it tastes like Cherries...and I had a giggle at the innuendo of it all while Mike whispered to me to take her up on the offer. One of the waitresses tried to get Jared's phone number only to be turned down and told she wasn't his type. Guess she missed Mike and Jared kissing when Jared walked through the door. Or she missed Jared and me kissing, or maybe it was Mike and me kissing that confused her...LOL! Hmmm...come to think of it, maybe I should have been offended that she tried to get his number after she'd seen his lips planted on mine....curious.

I ran into some people I knew inside... Feeling pretty uninhibited, I answered the girl's question about a side bet she and her boyfriend had as to whether or not Jared and Mike were gay...I answered in the affirmative. She asked me to tell them that they were "Hot!" and then told her boyfriend that she was right and all the best looking men were gay (Wonder how that made the boyfriend feel?). Her boyfriend had assumed the boys were straight because they're both very "butch". Somehow this turned into a convo about how I could have a 3 way with the two boys if I wanted...to which one of the guys said...it'd be hot if it were 2 girls instead of two guys...and my drunken diarrhea of the mouth had me replying that I could do that, too...

And the topper for the evening? Standing outside while everyone smoked cigarettes and announcing to my friends...and some random strangers on a bench...that I am the Fag Hag for Charlotte County. To which the stranger on the bench replied..."I LOVE you! You're awesome." Big surprise, he was gay, too. Oh, and his female friend sitting there...yeah, you guessed it...she hit on me.

The worst of it is, I wish I could say that alcohol were the primary contributor, but I can't. Nothing I did that night is anything I wouldn't do sober.