At A Loss

I got a call last night. It was from Patrick, my ex. I haven't heard from him in months. Not since I last went down to Ft Lauderdale right before Valentine's Day. His father's been ill with cancer. I've always liked his dad immensely. There was something about the way he accepted me without reservation, the way he just seemed to like me. He had a unique genuineness and warmth about him.

Patrick called to let me know his father passed away the day before yesterday. From across the miles I could feel his loss. And though I didn't know his dad that well...it mattered so much to me. Little things kept rushing back to me. The time he was talking about moving to Georgia and asked Patrick if I'd be moving with them. Or the time they were looking at the Carolinas. For someone as gunshy about committment as me...those kind of comments had my palms sweating. But I couldn't help but feel the warmth of acceptance and approval from him. I realized a little later that it was his way of letting Patrick know that if he wanted a life with me, he wholehartedly approved and we had his support.

Me being who I am...with my life...I knew I wasn't ready for that kind of committment. Neither was he. But it was great to be so appreciated. And he always liked me.

I'm so glad now that I took the time to call him when he was ill...just to let him know I cared and that I was thinking about him. And that I'd sent a card for him with Patrick the last time I saw him.

But I never expected to be so sad over someone who I hardly knew, who I'd only met once...but who obviously wound up touching my life so strongly. What a great example he left behind for his son. His loss will be felt by everyone he's ever touched.