The Waiting Game

I want to cry. Instead I feel worn...tired and worn.

Have you ever had one of those times in your life where it seems you can't catch a break. That for every good thing that happens two bad things follow?

That's how I've felt lately. The funny thing is I'm a really positive person. I'm intense, driven and dedicated. I am almost always in control. It's more than just something I like to be...for me it's deeper than that. Control is somehow sewn into my core...it's who I am. I control my universe...most of the time.

So when I get phone calls like the one I received from my mom today, it's tough for me...and on me. Because this is definitely one of those areas in which I have no control...and yet the results impact me and those I care about.

My grandma (okay, so she's a "step"...if that means anything) is in the hospital. I know, she's older, she's lived a full life... Yadda, yadda, yadda! I've heard it all. So she's in the hospital because she had a severe heart attack. They had to intubate her. But it was making her uncomfortable...and the doctor said the damage to the heart was pretty severe...so they decided to just work on making her comfortable. And my step-dad flew in...and of course, forgot his charger at home. And my mom was freaking out because she couldn't reach anyone and couldn't come with my step-dad.

My sister was out of town. For those who don't know, my sister is a Cardiac Intensive Nurse. It's her specialty. So I called her. She got in touch with step-dad. The thing about taking her off the intubation is that they'll also be taking her off her blood pressure meds. They're not certain how that will go over with her body.

So I called my step-dad to tell him I have a charger for him and to get an update. They've removed the intubation...and she's stopped shaking...and she seems more comfortable. Her color looks better. And they've taken her off the blood pressure meds...but so far she seems to be holding her own. So now it's a waiting game. Have I mentioned that I'm not very good at waiting games?

But on the up-side...Has anyone tried the new Black and White Milano cookies from Pepperidge Farm? I think they're gonna keep me company through this wait... Because I'm not gonna cry.