Simple Faith

I turn 34 in 7 days. Back when I was about 27-28, the thought would've terrified me. I would've been concerned, wondering why my life plan is so off course... I mean, 34 and still unmarried, no prospects, and no kids? How could this be? The biggest flirt of my junior high and high school class...still single?

But times have changed. I've changed. I can't count how many times in the last 5 years I've had people misguidedly accuse me of being afraid of committment. The truth is I'm not. With the right person. I just haven't met him yet....or maybe I did...a long time ago, but I wasn't ready for it at that time...and neither was he. And it's not as though I've never been hurt or heartbroken or disappointed. I've been devastated by love that hasn't lasted. Hurt by men who either wanted to change me or who dated me, then realized they wanted someone else or something else. And yet here I am...

The funniest part is that what people tend to read as fear of committment is actually something much more surprising. Despite everything, all my disappointment, my heart break, breaking other people's hearts...I've somehow managed to hold on to my idealism. I still believe in true love. How that happened, I have no idea, but there it is. And I'm not talking about that head-in-the-clounds, dreamy eyed love that most of us girls dreamed of in high school and younger...

Why do I call myself a romantic? Because I still believe that it's possible to find a guy who will listen to me, who loves me as I am, a man who knows I can fight my own battles, but is always in my corner for moral support or back up if I ask for it. Someone who's not intimidated by my intelligence or my successes, but cheers me on and has his own. I believe I should be the most important woman in his life, though not necessarily the only one...(and I'm talking friends, family, etc.) I want a man who will stand up to me as quickly as he'd stand up for me, who supports my dreams as much as I support his. Someone who can make me laugh, who can hold me if I cry, and is not afraid to share his own laughter and tears, but trusts me enough to realize it won't make him any more or less a man in my eyes. Someone who still believes that marriage is a lifetime committment that takes a lot of hard work and won't take easy outs just because things get tough. More importantly, someone with common interests who also has plenty of interests that we don't have in common and isn't afraid to do those things without me...and with his friends...and will afford me the same kinds of freedoms.

How is it I haven't yet given up on this man? I don't expect perfection...just someone who shares the same general values and who will make a good parent if we were lucky enough to have children...but is smart enough not to lose ourselves in the lives we build...or allow the children we may have to define the people we are. And through it all...I want a man who will recognize when I need my man, not my husband.... I think that's why, though I'm not married...Andy Griggs' song is one of the sexiest songs I know....and is something I hope for one day.

Tonight I Wanna Be Your Man

Baby light a couple candles
Lock the bedroom door
Put on some sweet soul music
Throw a blanket on the floor
Surrender to my patient hands
All week I've been your husband
Tonight I wanna be your man

It hit me just this morning
When I passed you in the hall
I swear I caught you looking
Like you don't know me at all
Let me show you who I am
All week I've been your husband
Tonight I wanna be your man

I'll always be your cover when your cold
When the world lines up against you
I'm the safe place you can go
Now and then we need to find some time to be in love
Just be in loveNow the whole world's in bed sleeping
I think we're finally alone
If the telephone starts ringing
We'll pretend like we're not home
Cause any fool would understand
All week I've been your husband
Tonight I wanna be your man

Let me show you who I am
All week I've been your husband
Tonight I wanna your man
Just forget about that wedding band
All week I've been your husband
Tonight I wanna be your man

And you know what? One day, when I least expect it, someone is going to manage to sneak up on me...and I'll finally take that plunge... Once I know he's the right man to for my heart. And I truly believe my heart will know him. Okay, go ahead and laugh now...I know. 34, single...and oddly idealistic. Who'd have thought? After everything, I still believe in a forever kind of love!