For Benson, With Love

Today my mood is dark. I've been struggling with it for the last few days. But especially today...my heart is heavy.Shortly after we moved back to the states...about the time I was in 4th grade my sister met a girl named Elasa. They were the same age, the same grade. They hit it off instantly. Pretty soon, our families were introduced to each other. Elasa came from a family with 7 siblings...the 8th would come a little later. She had a younger brother named Benson. It turned out that he was the same age as my brother, Jonathan.

Within a few years, our families were pretty close...and Elasa and Christina were best friends...as were Benson and Jonathan. I remember that their younger sister, Katie Rose, felt left out because we didn't have any younger siblings for her to be best friends with. So she decided I was her best friend. And I was okay with that. She was a sweet, shy little girl.When we'd hang out at their house after church we'd invariably wind up watching The Wizard Of Oz or It's A Wonderful Life. Or we'd play "King and Queen". I was always the "Queen". Benson, being a bit younger had a crush on me, and insisted that HE was to be King. Katie Rose was always the daughter. Elasa and Chris would either be more kids or the maids. Jonathan would be the King's guard. It was all silly, but fun...much like playing house, except with crowns...Usually of the Burger King variety. Honestly, I was already a bit old for these games, but somehow I'd find myself roped in because it was still fun to them.

Other times we'd play G.I.Joe after church. Benson would be Duke, I'd be Scarlett,my friend Holly would be Lady J, Jonathan would either be the character that had the parrott...can't think of his name now...or the Ninja. Being a tomboy, I didn't mind that.

Why am I rehashing all this? Because I'm trying to reconcile the happy-go-lucky boy that I knew growing up to the guy who drove his car onto the train tracks in Downers Grove, IL and committed suicide this last week. How could someone who used to have such a bright spirit fall so far? He was a musician, he wrote poetry...much like his older brother Michael used to. He was creative. He left behind a child. And right now I'm at such a loss. He and his family were there for mine when my brother died. Elasa and Chris are still friends today. I'm ashamed to say that the last time I saw Benson and spoke to him was at his mother Benja's funeral. I gave him a big hug. I told him I loved him...and I meant every word. For all intents and purposes...even with time and distance, I saw him as another brother. A blessed gift my brother left behind when he died.

My heart is heavy and troubled because he was a beautiful person...gone way too soon. His family and friends are in my heart and my prayers. I hear Katie Rose is taking it hard. She was always the one I was closest to...I'll be giving her a call.

I can only imagine the hard time that they're going through right now. I made the mistake of doing a search and typing his name and found a site talking about the accident and letting people post to it. There are a lot of cold, heartless people out there. Many of the people posting to that site were more concerned with the delay to the train system that his death caused. More were talking about the fact that suicide is a sin and where they felt he'd be because of it. A life was lost. A friend, a father, a son. And people were more concerned with criticising him and griping about train delays. Have we really become so heartless as a society that we're unable to feel sympathy and empathy for those left behind?

For those of you who saw the news about Benson or who never knew him...here's a little bit of who he was...Dedicated to Benson