Just Another April Fool

To say this week has been trying is a huge understatement. I thank God daily for being there for me; giving me balance, helping me find my footing. It's not been easy. First, earlier this week, the person who sexually abused me as a child friend requested me on Facebook. Seriously? What is wrong with people? What could he have possibly been thinking? Because I didn't file charges almost 30 years ago that everything is just bygones? Not even in the realm of possibility. So I ignored his friend request and then logged into my Facebook to block any and all people with that name from being able to see my page. Then there was April Fools Day. Ever have something happen and wish it were a joke, but know it isn't? Something that brings up all the most sensitive of your emotions that you work so hard to move past...maybe even think you already have? Well, that came crashing down on me. My dad RSVP'd yes for my sister's wedding. In and of itself, that's not a very big deal. But when you consider that several years ago he told me that she was always his favorite because she always seemed happy to see him and that she seemed to need him and add that he didn't come to mine? It's a bit of a slap in the face. I'd let go of most of my anger years ago, not for his sake, but for mine. Life is too short to be angry and bitter. And I'd moved on with my life. And then something like this brings everything up to the surface again. I wasn't angry when he didn't make my wedding. In fact, I expected it. He's missed pretty much every important event in my life. He missed his own son's funeral. Why should I expect to be any different? So when he made his excuse as to why he couldn't come, I was ok. In fact, I was a bit relieved. Less stress and drama for my mother. But then he RSVP's for Chris's. And Chris doesn't really want him there either...didn't expect him to say yes. Does he not understand that for him to not show up at my wedding and then to come to hers is just not right? Not only is it not right, but it's hurtful! And now my sister is left to worry about my mom and how she's going to take the whole thing. And me, I get to continue to remember that my dad just doesn't love me enough. Never have, never will. And you know? I know it's his loss. But the part that never ceases to amaze me is how he doesn't see how anything is his fault. He makes excuses. He missed my wedding because he was waiting to hear back about a job he didn't get. When he found out, he was upset and blamed the company he'd applied for the job from for making him miss the wedding. He has absolutely no concept of the fact that he made a choice and that the consequences were based on his choice. Some things never change. I don't know why it hurt so much this time. Thanks to this song by Jimmy Wayne for reminding me that there are more important things in life...and that even if my bio dad isn't there for me, my Father will be.