A Brighter Future

I'm tired. Tired of letting my past control my present. The truth is, not all my childhood was bad. For a little while I had the childhood we all hope we can give to our children one day. So it didn't last. Does that make me a victim? Hell no. That's a conscious choice that we make. There's a difference between being victimized and being a victim. Lately I've realized that the thing that's been driving me is "not being a victim". The problem with that? It guarantees that you WILL become one....because your fears are wrapped up in being a victim. You inadvertently gravitate to it. So, as they say...if you close your eyes to see your future and you don't like what you see...change your future. It's really as simple as that.

I could sit here crying over spilt milk...and for a time I needed to do it...to let the poison out. But I'm looking at things differently these days. My past, present, and future are like a car. My future is the headlights...it just shows me where I want to go. No more, no less. My present is the steering wheel. It's what heads me in the right direction or allows me to change directions if I don't like the direction I'm headed in. My past? That's my rearview mirror. Now I can sit there and look back and see all the near misses or mistakes or missed opportunities...but you know what? I can't change the past. So instead, when I look back, I see all the ground I've covered and how far I've come. And it's made a difference. I'm happier with what I see, and I realize...I've come a long way! Not only that, I've grown. I've gotten better...and I've had a lot of successes along the way. I think that's a hell of a lot healthier to focus on.

So on this Father's day, instead of whining about what I didn't have, I'm gonna be glad for my step dad who has always tried to be there for me...even though he came into my life much later. And I'm going to celebrate all the father figures that I've had along the way that have shown me what I want for my own kids...if I were to have them. And I'm going to celebrate the fact that I still have my dad, and I love him, and that he's made less mistakes with my youngest sister.

In celebration of my positive outlook, I'm going to post a song that reminds me that we all make an impact on the people we touch...and that this is what I want for any future children I may be blessed with someday. And now I'm one step closer to knowing the kind of man I would share my life with.

RODNEY ATKINS LYRICS

"Watching You"

Driving through town just my boy and me
With a happy meal in his booster seat
Knowing that he couldn't have the toy
Till his nuggets were gone
Green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my breaks and mumbled under my breath
His fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap
Well then my four year old said a four letter word
That started with "s" and I was concerned
So I said son now now where did you learn to talk like that
[Chorus one]
He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo,
I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you
We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said lord please help me help my stupid self
Then this side of bedtime later that night
Turning on my son's scooby doo nightlight
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
And spoke to god like he was talking to a friend
And I said son now where'd you learn to pray like that
[Chorus two]
He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo,
I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama's hand
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you
[Bridge]
With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug
Said my little bear is growing up
He said but when I'm big I'll still know what to do
[Chorus three]
Cause I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo,
I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
By then I'll be as strong as superman
We'll be just alike, hey won't we dad
When I can do everything you do
Cause I've been watching you