Well, we've finally decided on a reception hall. I sent the deposit off last week. I, of course, am driving Kirk crazy with all the wedding talk. Haha! But he'll be fine... He knows that I'm just trying to accomplish as much as possible now since I'll be completely useless in the months of November, December and January...simply by the nature of my job.
Amber and Ben are throwing Kirk and I an engagement party down here in Florida. We're gonna do a picnic/tailgate style party...uber casual. Hey, it's Florida, and it's totally me and Kirk. We're not super formal people...though we do firmly believe that there is a time and place for that sort of thing. We're setting that date for March 22nd. Initially we were gonna do it in February, but then my sister wouldn't have been able to make it.
Kirk's sister-in-law and brother are finalizing the guest list for his side of the family. This means we'll have a much better idea of a difinitive headcount. I'll be thrilled when that's done. I've created a wedding website on weddingchannel.com, and that's pretty cool. It gives our friends and family a chance to leave us messages, to know where we're registered (which I've found out should actually be done...even if you have most of what you need...because some people feel it's rude not to) and to also know where the wedding and reception are going to be and how to get there. We'll also have, on that website, where our out of town guests can stay.
My mom has been really great. She's offered to pay for my dress...and she's planning on throwing me a bridal shower in IL. I'm starting to think on who should be invited to this party to give to my mother.
My sister Vanessa is no longer going to be standing up in the wedding. It was a mutual decision. For her it was about affordability and whether or not she'll be able to make it. For me it was worrying about whether or not she'd be able to afford it or make it...and also knowing she really wouldn't be able or available to help with any of the planning and other bridesmaid duties. Instead, my close friend, Susan, will be standing up with me.
For that matter, I'm not even sure if my dad will make it. It's not really a major loss...I'm used to him not showing up anyway. It would also simplify things for my mom. As it is, she'd rather not lay eyes on him...and if he brings his wife (the woman he cheated on my mom with) it may reopen some old wounds for her...and that's the last thing I'd want. I know she'd be fine. She's a classy lady. She's happy with her husband and her life. But I would rather not put her through that.
I've already told him that she's the one who will walk me down the aisle. He's also not been able to say difinitively yes or no regarding his coming. I'd do a father/daughter dance if he showed up...but if he didn't come...I hate to say it...I wouldn't be heartbroken. In some ways, I think I might even be a bit relieved. The oddest part is my family on my dad's side would completely understand. In fact, several of them were surprised that I even offered him to have any part in the wedding after the way he's been my whole life. For me, though, I've long since come to the conclussion that it's not healthy to hold on to that kind of bitterness and hurt. It has a tendency to take you over and color your perception of life. I refuse to let the that happen. Instead, I choose to embrace the good things that came from my youth...my tenacity, my strength, my focus, my singlemindedness, my ability to overcome the odds.
And this wedding is all about celebration...of me, of us...of who we've grown up to be. I'm proud of the people we've become.... Nothing and no one will take that away from us.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Suddenly Feeling More Real!
I'm off this week, so we've been doing some much needed housework, as well as some wedding planning and research. Yesterday I called several places that were in the running for my reception hall and asked some final questions. Kirk called his mom to try to get a more detailed guestlist for his family. (There's so many of them that it's hard to keep track!!!)
Also, I've had this thought niggling in the back of my head, and I finally decided to address it. I'd asked my half-sister, Vanessa, to stand up in my wedding as a bridesmaid. After the bridal expo I went to on Sunday, though, and some of the things my dad told me on our last conversation...I was beginning to have second thoughts.
Here's the problem. My half-sister is 20 years old and very young/immature. She's living with her boyfriend, but my dad and his wife still support her...up to and including paying for her gas. Sorry, but once you move out of the house, you sort of lose the right to expect them to take care of these things. She's hard, if not impossible, to reach. She's always got money problems. Some of the important duties for a bridesmaid include helping to plan the wedding, buying your dress for that day, and in her case, buying her plane ticket. And with my dad telling me that he was having difficulty making ends meet because he was supporting her...and hearing that she took a $3000 loan and blew the money inside a week on her boyfriend...and that she was now behind on those payments...I really started second guessing myself. I don't need that kind of stress surrounding my big day. I don't need to worry that she can't afford her gown, or she may not be able to pay for her plane ticket. So I'm talking to my dad today and letting him know that although I'd like her to be a part of the wedding, maybe this capacity is the wrong one for her. I'll give her a reading...this way if she's there or not, it's ok. And she can wear whatever she wants...so there's no additional expenses.
With that being decided firmly in my head, I asked another of my close friends from high school, Suzan, if she'd be my bridesmaid. She accepted. She's dying to introduce me to her new guy and to meet Kirk...who she's heard so much about, but not met. And she's offered to take some engagement pictures for us....for free! So stay tuned. I'll post them as I get them.
Today I also reserved the reception venue. We'll be having it at the Drury Lane in Oakbrook! I'm so excited about this. It's classy, it's elegant...and it's reasonably priced! Here are some pictures that my sister took when checking out the facility for me.
Also, I've had this thought niggling in the back of my head, and I finally decided to address it. I'd asked my half-sister, Vanessa, to stand up in my wedding as a bridesmaid. After the bridal expo I went to on Sunday, though, and some of the things my dad told me on our last conversation...I was beginning to have second thoughts.
Here's the problem. My half-sister is 20 years old and very young/immature. She's living with her boyfriend, but my dad and his wife still support her...up to and including paying for her gas. Sorry, but once you move out of the house, you sort of lose the right to expect them to take care of these things. She's hard, if not impossible, to reach. She's always got money problems. Some of the important duties for a bridesmaid include helping to plan the wedding, buying your dress for that day, and in her case, buying her plane ticket. And with my dad telling me that he was having difficulty making ends meet because he was supporting her...and hearing that she took a $3000 loan and blew the money inside a week on her boyfriend...and that she was now behind on those payments...I really started second guessing myself. I don't need that kind of stress surrounding my big day. I don't need to worry that she can't afford her gown, or she may not be able to pay for her plane ticket. So I'm talking to my dad today and letting him know that although I'd like her to be a part of the wedding, maybe this capacity is the wrong one for her. I'll give her a reading...this way if she's there or not, it's ok. And she can wear whatever she wants...so there's no additional expenses.
With that being decided firmly in my head, I asked another of my close friends from high school, Suzan, if she'd be my bridesmaid. She accepted. She's dying to introduce me to her new guy and to meet Kirk...who she's heard so much about, but not met. And she's offered to take some engagement pictures for us....for free! So stay tuned. I'll post them as I get them.
Today I also reserved the reception venue. We'll be having it at the Drury Lane in Oakbrook! I'm so excited about this. It's classy, it's elegant...and it's reasonably priced! Here are some pictures that my sister took when checking out the facility for me.
So now I feel as though I've accomplished something pretty major with the wedding planning. We've got our bridal party picked out.
This is my sister, my maid-of-honor, and her boyfriend, Rich...who will also be a groomsman.
This is Derek, Kirk's nephew and god-son. He's our little ring bearer...he'll be up and walking by then.
This is Gary, Kirk's brother and best man...holding his son, Derek.
The girl in the purple top here is my friend Suzan, who will be standing up as a bridesmaid.
These are Ben and Amber. They will also be standing up. They're some of our closest friends since moving to Florida. Amber works with me...Ben used to work with Kirk and I. 
This is Ben, Kirk, and Mike...during one of our 4th of July extravaganzas. Mike will also be a groomsman at the wedding. He got married on my birthday this year.
This is Natalie, my matron-of-honor...with her daughter, Sienna, my flower girl.
The only couple not pictured are Kirk's Sister, Laura...and her husband, Mark. For some reason I can't find my pictures of them. It's just another hint that I need to clean my house. But in the meantime, now I feel like I've finally gotten something accomplished with our wedding plans.
Oh, and I think I've decided to march down the aisle to Jesu, Joy Of Man's Desiring. My sister says she knows an excellent flautist who can play along with the professional organist. I think it's gonna sound amazing!
Yup! I'm starting to get excited.
Friday, July 04, 2008
Just So Typical!
Kirk and I have been best friends since I was 19 years old. I'm 35 now. We've dated off and on since I was 20...and lived together during those 15 years. Since becoming engaged I've heard comments like "see? It pays to be patient." or "It's about time" alluding to the assumption that Kirk has been taking his time to get to the altar. I don't know why everyone assumed that he was the one who wasn't ready. Maybe it's because he's a man. They'd be wrong.
But Kirk's a gentleman in many unspoken ways. He took all the assumtions and never corrected anyone. He never wanted anyone to look at me as though I was defective or pressure me into rushing into this decision. He just waited for me...ever patient. Just like he was back in the beginning of our relationship. Back then he waited to ask me out, knowing I wasn't ready.
How did we finally come to be engaged? It's funny, really. We'd been talking about it quite a bit lately. That was his cue that I was finally ready to get serious about being married. Knowing me the way he does, he knew that although it may take time for me to come to the decision to get married, once I got there it's all full steam ahead.
So we started talking marriage and figuring out that we both wanted to go back home to Chicago to get married. We're both big family people and wanted them to be able to be a part of one of the biggest events of our lives. We started talking dates and savings even before we got engaged. We were working on calculating our finances to see what we could afford.
We looked at rings, separately and together. When he remembered that women get two rings, he cracked me up by saying that men get gypped. Where they get one ring that's usually not overly expensive, women get two! And neither one is cheap if the man is doing his job right or going by the salary to ring ratio they give you.
So I saw this pinky ring. It had playing cards on the front and it was diamond encrusted. His name was written all over it. So I thought I'd do something cool for him and buy it as an engagement gift and set it aside to give to him wheneveer he decided to propose. I hid it from him in a place I knew he wouldn't find it.But like all good plans, things went awry!
Kirk was one of those kids that caused his mom to hide his Christmas presents at the neighbor's house because he had an uncanny knack of finding them early and getting into them. I should've remembered that. So when I came home on Saturday, June 7th and found out that he'd managed to find the ring I'd bought him, I was upset.
I grabbed the ring from it's hiding space and threw the box at him (being a former athlete, he caught it) and told him that since he already knew about it, he might as well just have it. He couldn't understand why I was upset at first. I told him that he wasn't supposed to receive that ring until after I'd gotten mine. He reminded me that we'd never done anything traditionally, but it didn't change how I felt. And the more I kept thinking about it, the more disgruntled I became. I started to get upset, thinking that maybe our marriage talk was premature. Maybe he hadn't asked because he wasn't ready. Maybe I'd misread things and pushed him into telling his family that we were planning on getting married.
When I voiced it out loud, he just looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Babe, I know you can be pushy, but you know as well as I do that even you can't make me do anything I don't want to do."He was right. It's part of what I love about him. So I sat down on the couch and tried to calm down. He walked into the bedroom, then called me in there. The way my day was going, I figured that my dog had eaten or chewed through something again. So I walked into the room asking, "What did Izzy eat now?"I looked around for the damage when he dropped to his knee and asked me to marry him, ring in hand. How could I resist? I said yes.
And it was a typical "us" moment. He was waiting for the right moment. He wanted to make a grand gesture, but I blew that! He'd had the ring and was scheming to create a romantic scenario. It didn't happen that way because when he saw me get upset, he wanted me to know how much he loved me and that I wasn't pushing him at all. And to me, the bickering, the comedy....that was perfect.
But Kirk's a gentleman in many unspoken ways. He took all the assumtions and never corrected anyone. He never wanted anyone to look at me as though I was defective or pressure me into rushing into this decision. He just waited for me...ever patient. Just like he was back in the beginning of our relationship. Back then he waited to ask me out, knowing I wasn't ready.
How did we finally come to be engaged? It's funny, really. We'd been talking about it quite a bit lately. That was his cue that I was finally ready to get serious about being married. Knowing me the way he does, he knew that although it may take time for me to come to the decision to get married, once I got there it's all full steam ahead.
So we started talking marriage and figuring out that we both wanted to go back home to Chicago to get married. We're both big family people and wanted them to be able to be a part of one of the biggest events of our lives. We started talking dates and savings even before we got engaged. We were working on calculating our finances to see what we could afford.
We looked at rings, separately and together. When he remembered that women get two rings, he cracked me up by saying that men get gypped. Where they get one ring that's usually not overly expensive, women get two! And neither one is cheap if the man is doing his job right or going by the salary to ring ratio they give you.
So I saw this pinky ring. It had playing cards on the front and it was diamond encrusted. His name was written all over it. So I thought I'd do something cool for him and buy it as an engagement gift and set it aside to give to him wheneveer he decided to propose. I hid it from him in a place I knew he wouldn't find it.But like all good plans, things went awry!
Kirk was one of those kids that caused his mom to hide his Christmas presents at the neighbor's house because he had an uncanny knack of finding them early and getting into them. I should've remembered that. So when I came home on Saturday, June 7th and found out that he'd managed to find the ring I'd bought him, I was upset.
I grabbed the ring from it's hiding space and threw the box at him (being a former athlete, he caught it) and told him that since he already knew about it, he might as well just have it. He couldn't understand why I was upset at first. I told him that he wasn't supposed to receive that ring until after I'd gotten mine. He reminded me that we'd never done anything traditionally, but it didn't change how I felt. And the more I kept thinking about it, the more disgruntled I became. I started to get upset, thinking that maybe our marriage talk was premature. Maybe he hadn't asked because he wasn't ready. Maybe I'd misread things and pushed him into telling his family that we were planning on getting married.
When I voiced it out loud, he just looked at me like I was crazy and said, "Babe, I know you can be pushy, but you know as well as I do that even you can't make me do anything I don't want to do."He was right. It's part of what I love about him. So I sat down on the couch and tried to calm down. He walked into the bedroom, then called me in there. The way my day was going, I figured that my dog had eaten or chewed through something again. So I walked into the room asking, "What did Izzy eat now?"I looked around for the damage when he dropped to his knee and asked me to marry him, ring in hand. How could I resist? I said yes.
And it was a typical "us" moment. He was waiting for the right moment. He wanted to make a grand gesture, but I blew that! He'd had the ring and was scheming to create a romantic scenario. It didn't happen that way because when he saw me get upset, he wanted me to know how much he loved me and that I wasn't pushing him at all. And to me, the bickering, the comedy....that was perfect.
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