Excitement Builds...

Well, we've finally decided on a reception hall. I sent the deposit off last week. I, of course, am driving Kirk crazy with all the wedding talk. Haha! But he'll be fine... He knows that I'm just trying to accomplish as much as possible now since I'll be completely useless in the months of November, December and January...simply by the nature of my job.

Amber and Ben are throwing Kirk and I an engagement party down here in Florida. We're gonna do a picnic/tailgate style party...uber casual. Hey, it's Florida, and it's totally me and Kirk. We're not super formal people...though we do firmly believe that there is a time and place for that sort of thing. We're setting that date for March 22nd. Initially we were gonna do it in February, but then my sister wouldn't have been able to make it.

Kirk's sister-in-law and brother are finalizing the guest list for his side of the family. This means we'll have a much better idea of a difinitive headcount. I'll be thrilled when that's done. I've created a wedding website on weddingchannel.com, and that's pretty cool. It gives our friends and family a chance to leave us messages, to know where we're registered (which I've found out should actually be done...even if you have most of what you need...because some people feel it's rude not to) and to also know where the wedding and reception are going to be and how to get there. We'll also have, on that website, where our out of town guests can stay.

My mom has been really great. She's offered to pay for my dress...and she's planning on throwing me a bridal shower in IL. I'm starting to think on who should be invited to this party to give to my mother.

My sister Vanessa is no longer going to be standing up in the wedding. It was a mutual decision. For her it was about affordability and whether or not she'll be able to make it. For me it was worrying about whether or not she'd be able to afford it or make it...and also knowing she really wouldn't be able or available to help with any of the planning and other bridesmaid duties. Instead, my close friend, Susan, will be standing up with me.

For that matter, I'm not even sure if my dad will make it. It's not really a major loss...I'm used to him not showing up anyway. It would also simplify things for my mom. As it is, she'd rather not lay eyes on him...and if he brings his wife (the woman he cheated on my mom with) it may reopen some old wounds for her...and that's the last thing I'd want. I know she'd be fine. She's a classy lady. She's happy with her husband and her life. But I would rather not put her through that.

I've already told him that she's the one who will walk me down the aisle. He's also not been able to say difinitively yes or no regarding his coming. I'd do a father/daughter dance if he showed up...but if he didn't come...I hate to say it...I wouldn't be heartbroken. In some ways, I think I might even be a bit relieved. The oddest part is my family on my dad's side would completely understand. In fact, several of them were surprised that I even offered him to have any part in the wedding after the way he's been my whole life. For me, though, I've long since come to the conclussion that it's not healthy to hold on to that kind of bitterness and hurt. It has a tendency to take you over and color your perception of life. I refuse to let the that happen. Instead, I choose to embrace the good things that came from my youth...my tenacity, my strength, my focus, my singlemindedness, my ability to overcome the odds.

And this wedding is all about celebration...of me, of us...of who we've grown up to be. I'm proud of the people we've become.... Nothing and no one will take that away from us.