My Mother Taught Me

For all that I have a reputation for being a wild child, I spent one of the most relaxing days I've had in a while...chillin' out online with a good friend who's currently living in Germany...trading tunes back and forth. The afternoon was spent catching up on some of the programs I'd TiVo'd. There's a part of me that's a homebody at heart...and there are some that would be SHOCKED to hear that.

It's strange how reputations come about. I've heard myself called anything from Dominatrix Kitty to little goodie-two-shoes. The truth is usually somewhere in the middle. One of my guy friends once told me that when he met me he thought I was going to be a bitch because I was Asian. Apparently the Asian women of his acquaintance have all been heartless and cruel...tearing his heart out and then stomping on it. It's funny how people stereotype the second they hear I'm half Asian. One of my former employees looked at me when he realized I was Asian and said that I must be a "freak". I laughed. He was talking sexually.

I'm thinking that whole thing stems from the whole Lucy Liu scene in Charlie's Angels...And yeah, there's truth to the myth...I could totally see myself in leather. I own a biker jacket. I like to get my own way in the bedroom and out...and usually do...;-) But hey, that applies to lots of confident women.

Of course there's the dark side of the Asian myth...and I can tell you right now...I'm nobody's geisha girl.

I take pride in my Filipina background. My mom made sure I knew that side of my heritage. When we were stationed there when I was a child, I could have been enrolled in the Base schools like all the other military brats. Mom chose a different way. She enrolled me in a private Filipino school. And I loved every minute. I learned to speak Tagalog fluently within three months, and Kapangpangan in six...and taught it to my mom.

But my mom raised me to be more than just a mestisa with knowledge of both sides of her heritage. She raised me to think for myself, to be independent, to have a wild heart...and a big and loving one. My mom is huge on self reliance. Probably mostly because it had been a genuine concern for her.

She met my dad when she was 15. Married him when she was 17. Had me at 19...along with three younger siblings...all two years apart. Dad made a lot of promises. My mom is intelligent, but was looking for a better way for herself. Dad promised to take her away from everything and supply her with a college education. That was only the first of many promises he welched on. So when it ended after my youngest brother died...She had three children to support and no means to do so. And yet she did it. Amazingly, against all odds, she did it. She's an amazing and strong woman. I'm proud of her...and I know I don't say it nearly often enough.

Of course that's because I'm her biggest disappointment. I was the smart one, the brainiac who everything came easily to...and I chose not to continue my education...thus, effectively squashing her dreams for both of us. She wanted me to be somebody...like a doctor or a journalist or something along those lines. I wasn't as interested. And because she pushed so hard, I'm ashamed to admit...I rebelled...I went to college, but never finished. These days I'm thinking I'll go back.

But she did teach me a few things. She taught me that hard work and dedication matters. She taught me to believe...family--above all else, always. She taught me loyalty to friends. She taught me to be self sufficient, that I can be anything I want to be. She helped me explore my passion for writing and music.

Most importantly...She taught me some very important things about love. She taught me that the importance in self sufficience was so that you'd always know that you could take care of yourself. This way, if someone came along, you'd be with that person because you want to, not because you need to or you're afraid not to. She taught me that it's hugely important to be happy with the person I see in the mirror because it's hard for anyone to love you if you can't love yourself. And she taught me to never give up.

She told me when I was younger to date as many guys as I wanted to so that when the "right" guy came along, I'd know it. And she told me to never settle, and that being generous doesn't make you weak. And that beauty is skin deep, and in the eye of the beholder...always, always look deeper. Value things like loyalty, honesty, trust, intelligence...because ultimately, they're much more important than a pretty face.

That mom of mine is a pretty smart lady....(who says you need a college degree to be smart?)