Picture/Word Association

It's strange...the things that trigger memories long forgotten... Sometimes it's a smell or song or image. Or how someone who's spent such a short time in your life can have such a strong, indellible impact. And yet here I am...living proof at just how true this is.

The above picture is of my puppy...on her first Halloween. I found an adorable dinosaur costume...she's got a little cave man on her back. She spent most of the evening either trying to unseat him or eat the costume. But she looked adorable. And I took pictures.

So there I was, putting the pictures on the computer and sending them out to my friends when the avalanche came. It started as a small rumble in the back of my mind, a vague cobweb of history teasing the corners of my mind. And then I lay down to go to sleep and it hit me.

Izzy's costume brought back a funny little memory of my brother, Paul. I lost him way too soon. He was so young. He never saw his third birthday.

This is how I see Paul when I look back. I haven't seen that smile in person in 24 years and yet it still comes to me at random moments, touching a spot in my heart that people rarely have the power to impact.

Now the story that caused me to flash back is a simple one. My dad had been transferred from Germany to the Philippines. That's where Paul was born. And he had the softest, most tender heart. He loved everything and everyone. And he was so aware of people's feelings. And he didn't limit his big heart to just people.

In the Philippines, there were certain things that were commonplace based on the island setting and the climate. One of them was lizards climbing on walls everywhere. Paul was a smart baby. Smart and curious. So when he saw a lizard a little more than an inch in diameter, he got curious...and he went to pick it up to get a closer look.

Imagine his surprise when he picked that poor lizard up by the tail and the body separated itself and fell to the floor. My poor, sweet baby brother started crying thinking that he'd killed the lizard. He'd burried his head in my side and cried until I placed my hand under his chin and told him everything was okay and showed him that the lizard had not died, but in fact, had just detached itself from his tail and was scampering away. He got so excited, clapping his hands in pure joy, squatting to watch the lizard take off for safety. He didn't touch the lizard again.

Seeing Izzy dressed up in her lizard brought back that memory and a maelstrom of many more. I only had Paul for two years, but in those two years he made himself a part of me. And no matter how much time has passed, my love for him has stayed strong. And when I worry that I won't remember him, something comes up that brings him to the front of my mind. He'll always be with me. And I'm fortunate enough to have pictures so that when I think I've started to forget what he looks like, I can find a picture and bring his smile back to life, warming my heart.

Twenty four years and I still miss him. Two years was enough to give me a lifetime of love and memories. I'm just grateful for the time I had with him.

I know God's been taking good care of him and Jonathan for my family and me. It gives me something to hope for every day. The family reunion will be amazing.